Men's Attitudes Toward Rape

If you are offended by these quotes by some of our leaders in congress, then get out and vote.  Show you distaste for these male attitudes by voting for men and women that have empathy for rape victims.  Vote for men and women who are not stuck in the 1950's, thinking rape is a sexual act, or that women who are raped deserve it, or even worse,  that just because a man and woman are married, he can have sex with her whenever he wants, even if he doesn't want to.

There is so much information on rape and rapists, and about the shame felt by the person raped, that everyone should get educated.  If you have ever been raped or assaulted or know someone who has been, you know that you don't just forget it.  It is something that stays with you forever, and it may be a very long time before the victim is even able to talk about it.  Don't assume that just because a man appears to be of impeccable character, that he isn't capable of bad behavior.  Get all the facts, and realize too, how difficult it is for a woman to come forward with a rape charge.  She knows that she is in for a tough time.  Only 1/3 of all rapes and assaults are even reported, so we know this is a huge social problem.

Let's hope that our voice at the ballot box will show men that they must listen to women.  Men, and I guess there are some women, with these old attitudes must not serve in congress.  Let's get rid of them.

A Day In Balboa

Several years ago our boogie boarding group decided to take a day to explore Balboa Island, just about an hour north of San Diego.  We had so much fun, we decided to do it again.  This time we invited some of the old boogie boarding group and a few others who we thought would enjoy the day.

Sixteen of us carpooled up to Balboa on a beautiful Tuesday in September.  I even got to ride in a Tesla.  What a treat.  Anyway, we first explored the town, with it's beachy upscale shops and restaurants, then walked to the ferry.  We passed $4-$10 million dollar homes, most with beautiful gardens in front.  The homes in Balboa were once little cottages, so the lots are not big, and homes are very close together.  Homes are practically on the street, with maybe only 10 feet between the house and the sidewalk.  Regardless, the houses are just gorgeous.  We took a quick ride on the car/pedestrian  ferry across to the island.  Here we got our instructions for the the two Duffy boats we rented for the next few hours.  I captained one boat, Fran the other.  We brought our lunches on board, and spent the next two hours  eating, drinking, and pretty much laughing non stop!  I don't think they'll  ask me to drive the boat again.

Driving the Duffy boat was more difficult than I thought.  I couldn't keep the damn think straight, and I was constantly turning the wheel side to side to keep straight.  I had a boat full of back seat drivers.  We had a map that was supposed to show us where all the famous people had lived, John Wayne and others, but we had trouble finding the houses, so we  made up our own stories about who lived in them.  Who would know the difference?  None of us, nor did we care.

Back on land after I nearly hit the ferry twice and a large pleasure boat once, I was exhausted.  I had a two hour workout of my upper arms.  It was a lot of laughs, and I arrived home around 4pm.  What a fun day with 16 great women.  Can't wait to go again.  We had a whole bag of water taffy to sweeten up the trip, which we all thought would never be eaten, but alas, we ate it all, and no one lost a crown!

Roma Culture Misunderstood

Why am I writing a blog about an ethnic minority that has migrated across Europe for centuries, and faced enormous persecution and discrimination?  Because I am reading a book in which a Roma fortune teller predicts the year, and in one case the actual date, of several family members.  It's a fictious story, but the Roma people are real, and I thought I would research who they really are.

They are the largest ethnic minority in Europe, consisting of 12-15 million people.  70% of them live in Eastern Europe.  There are about 1 million Roma living in the U.S.  The word Roma simply means "people."  but many call them Gypsies, although that is considered a derogatory word by many.  Roma have a rich oral tradition, and much of what we know about them is through songs and oral history.  They speak many languages, but most speak Rromanes, a language with Sanskrit roots.  Religious, they seem to take on the religion of the region they are living in.  They have strong family bonds, and stick to themselves because of discrimination.  Centuries ago they were continuously on the move as a matter of survival.  In the 20th century, many would live in cars or RV's, and contstantly be on the move.  Today, at least in the U.S., most live in homes or apartments, but do not talk about their culture.

During WW11, Gypsies were rounded up, placed in concentration camps, experimented on, and killed.  220,000 Gypsies (Roma) died in the Holocaust.

They have been known as fortune tellers for centuries.  No one really believes that they have any more ability to foresee the future than you or I.  They have a reputation for being cunning and mysterious outsiders.  In 1554, English Parliament passed a law that made being a Gypsy punishable by death.  Sounds a little like Salem, centuries later.

Fortune telling has been around for centuries.  Everyone wants to know what the future holds.  Or do they?  I'm not so sure that knowing  the future would make life any better.  I'll take it as it comes.  Good or bad, I like surprises.

Barbusa in Little Italy

The latest Italian restaurant from the Busalacchi family is in Little Italy, and you won't want to miss it.  It's Barbusa, a big, beautiful, contemporary looking interior, with Andy Warhol type portraits on the wall.  The food is Southern Italian, Scicilian.  Fran, Linda, Janie and I had lunch there after our visit to an art exhibit at the waterfront.  Friendly wait staff and good food make this a must if you're in the area.

The restaurant was about 1/2 full on a Thursday afternoon around noon, and it was noisy.  I would imagine when it is full at night it is quite noisy.  We ordered a couple of dishes and split everything.  I always like to try as many dishes as I can.  We ordered the Granchio pasta dish.  It was sensational.  Spaghettini cooked al dente (fresh pasta), with crab meat, a light pink sauce and just a bit of heat.  We devoured it.  We also tried the squash blossoms tempura, which  were served in an apricot sauce.  They were big squash blossoms with an asparagus spear, gorgonzola cheese, fried.  I could have eaten the whole order.  We also had a peach and prosciutto salad, with a roasted peach, sliced, with prociutto and a nice glaze.  Excellent too.  The menu also included a beet and buratta salad, Sicilian meatballs, and a bone marrow cavatelli, which is a pasta dish with sausage, cream and bone marrow.  They had many other interesting dishes, too many to mention here.

Pizzas looked good too.  I'll just have to go back again soon and try some of the other delicious dishes.  Be warned.  The pasta dishes are HUGE.  Plan to split.  I hope you enjoy it.

Some Things That Have Happened To Make You Optimistic About The Future

It's easy to look at the mess we're in and be negative about the future of our country and the world.  There are, however, some things that have happened in the world to give us hope that things are going in the right direction.  Here are some of them:

1.  Women's right to vote.  In 1893, no countries gave women the right to vote.  In 2017, 193 out of 194 countries gave men and women equal rights to vote.

2.  Science:  In the year 1665, 119 scholarly articles were published per year.  In 2016, 2,550,000 scholarly articles are published every year.  Most of the increase has taken place in the past 50 years.

3.  Literacy.  In 1800, 10% of the world was literate.  In 2016, 86% of the world has basic reading and writing skills.

4.  Democracy.  In 1816, 1% of the world lived under a democracy.  In 2015, 56% of the world lives in a democracy.

5.  Immunization.  In 1980, 22% of infants got at least one vaccination.  In 2016, that number is up to 88%.

6.  Water.  In 1980 only 58% of the world received water from protected sources.  In 2015, 88% of people were drinking clean water.

7.  Mobile phones.  In 1980 only .00003% of people had cell phones.  Today 65% of the world has cellphones.

8.  Internet.  In 1980, 0% of the world had internet service.  In 2017, 48% of the world has internet service.

9.  Girls in school.  In 1970, only 65% of girls received a primary school education.  In 2015, 90% of girls were enrolled in primary school.>

10.  Electricity coverage.  In 1991, 72% of the world had some access to electricity.  That number increased to 85% by 2014.

11.  Child cancer survival.  In 1975, the 5-year survival of those diagnosed before age 20 was 58%.  In 2010, 80% survival rate was reached.

12.  Harvest.  The cereal yield increased from 1.4 in 1961, to 4, in 2014.  (thousand kg per hectare).

It's easy to look at the world and think we're going in the wrong direction.  Science and technology have made the world smaller, and made education more accessible to everyone with a smart phone or internet access.  Life is easier for so many, and life is longer for everyone.  We've got to look at the good in the world, and realize that much has changed for the better, and will continue to do so.

Our Children Need Another Fred Rogers

I went to the movies recently to see the documentary about one of my heroes, Fred Rogers.  The movie, "Won't You Be My Neighbor?" brought back the 70's and early 80's, when David and Philip were regular viewers of his program.  Especially David.  Oh, did he love that show.  Each day when Mr. Rogers walked into the room, David would be there, and would mimmick Fred as he put on his sweater, then sat down and changed his shoes.  Then, until the carpool picked him up for pre school, he was engrossed in whatever was going on in Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.

Fred Rogers was an ordained minister, but his true love was working with children.  He thought the most important thing we needed to instill in children was trust.  They needed to trust that their parents would keep them safe, accept them for who they were, and love them.  Seems simple, but it's oh so hard to accomplish.  Fred talked directly to children, not down to them, he did not preach to them.  They loved him, and when he did public appearances, the children all wanted to go up to Mr. Rogers and touch him and tell him they loved him.

Fred would tackle subjects like death, of a pet or a loved one, divorce, war, assassination, tolerance.  He even returned to the air after 9-11 do do a special to help children, and adults, what had happened.>P>

Fred spoke slowly.  The sets on his show were simple.  A neighborhood with a train, a few puppets (Fred did all ten voices), and a few chairs.  He introduced children to people who looked different then they looked.  He brought great musicians, athletes and others on his show to expose kids to the world.  Many people took his warm, loving way as not manly.  He was often called gay, although no one who ever knew or worked with him ever thought so.  He was just a special man, who did not need zippy cartoons and lots of fighting and action to get a child's attention.  He did it with words, and taught his audience to love themselves for who they are, and to accept others for what they are.  It's a message we could all follow today.  He died in 2003, and although there is some good children's programming, nothing that I know of  has come along to replace the good feeling that children developed and the lack of fear to express how they were feeling, that Mr. Rogers gave them.  He was truly one of a kind.

Red Snapper Salad

My neighbor Max goes fishing a few times a year, and whenever he returns, he shares his catch with lucky neighbors.  His most recent catch was a large red snapper.  He gave me a big piece.  One night I just grilled it.  It was so moist and tender.  With the leftovers, I made red snapper salad.  It just like the wonderful whitefish salad that you get in Jewish delis,  a cold salad meant to spread on bagels.  It is so delicious.  I said to myself, "Why not do the same thing with the red snapper?"  It came out fantastic.  I just made another batch to take to  golf tournament, followed by appetizers and cocktails.  I'm going to serve it with pieces of matzo.  I hope everyone likes it.  Here's the recipe for you to try.  If you have a little piece of any cooked white fish, you can use it to make this recipe.

                                 Red Snapper Salad

1/2 pound red snapper, seasoned with salt and pepper, and cooked, about 5 minutes on each side

mayonnaise
sour cream
4 scallions chopped
1 large T. horseradish (in a jar)

Let the cooked fish cool, then put in a bowl and flake it.  Add all other ingredients, and blend well.  The fish will continue to flake into little pieces as you mix it.  The amount of mayo and sour cream is  just enough to make it moist and creamy.  I probably use about 3 large tablespoons of mayo and about half that amount of sour cream.  No need to add salt if you seasoned the fish before cooking.  You're going to love this dip.  Use it as an appetizer dip or spread it on bagels and make it a sandwich.  Enjoy.

Pet Food Is Not So Healthy For Fido

Have you walked into the pet food aisles at Petco lately?  How many different brands of dry food do they have?  Maybe 30-50 different brands.  We've been told they're good for our pets, and most of us are paying big bucks for dog and cat food.  Well, the reality is that most of these foods contain ingredients that may cause cancer.  I have not researched this myself, but I can read labels.  If a product contains ingredients you can't pronounce or have not heard of, chances are you don't want your pet eating it.

In 2014 Purina, Pedigree and Hills Science diet were found to have the ingredient aflatoxin in their food, a cancer causing product.  Hills Science Diet was also caught in 2015 with high levels of calcium in their food, 3 times the appropriate limit.  Royal Canin, Hills, Blue Buffalo, and Iams contain melamine, imported from China.  In 2007 this ingredients was found in low quality pet food that poisoned or killed an untold number of pets.

Dog treats, such as Milk Bone and Pupperoni are no better.  Not only do they contain high levels of carbohydrates, but also ingredients that can cause cancer, hyperactivity and other non life threatening, but dangerous additives.  A dog's ancestral diet is only 6% carbs, the rest protein.  We should we feeding our pets a protein diet.  Why aren't we?  $$$$$.

Go to bestcatanddognutrition.com to find out more.  The oddity is, that if we are poisoning our pets, why are they living so much longer?  Probably the same reason people are living longer.  They have a better life style and more preventive treatments, better medicine, better medical care.  I will continue to give my dog people treats like carrots, potato skins, cottage cheese and yogurt.  BTW, I don't buy any product human or canine, that has products from China in it or says "Made in China."  There may be a tariff on that stuff soon anyway, so it will be too expensive.  Bottom line, read labels for your pets, just as you do for yourself.

Psychology and the Good Life

The most popular course at Yale University is Psych 157, Psychology and the Good Life.  In fact, it's the most popular course ever in the history of the school.  Why?  Probably because so many students are NOT happy.  Statistics show that 47% of college freshmen me feel anxious, stressed and depressed.  It's even higher for women.  So Laurie Santos, professor of psychology at Yale, created a class to help students understand why they are feeling this way, and ways to change their behavior to live a happier life.

The students who attend Yale are goal oriented, and much of their teenage years has been spent studying and planning for the future.  This is not a bad thing, but when it's the focus of your life at the expense of developing and maintaining friendships, it's not so good.  Dr. Santos feels that students are very involved in social media, but differentiates this from social interaction.  Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are interactions, but not personal.  A face to face interaction is what we all need.  Yale freshmen, and young adults in general, are interested in getting good grades, to get them a good job, to get them lots of money.  Studies have found that none of these things lead to happiness.  Acts of kindness and social connections lead to happiness.  Psych 157 gives the students exercises to improve their chance at happiness.

Of course we also know that young adults feel unhappy, anxious and numb, by the rise in suicide and drug use.  Society, not just schools, have to get involved in turning half of our young adults from depressed to happy.  Hopefully, more schools will follow the lead of Yale.  It sounds to me like a course kids should be taking much earlier, say middle school.  Let's see what happens.

Fish Camp Huntington Beach

Fran and I took a trip to Huntington Harbor not long ago to her friends, Stephanie and Paul.  They have a duffy boat, and we needed to learn to drive one.  We're taking 16 women, in two boats, on a trip to Balboa in a few weeks, and we wanted to be competent captains.  Stephanie and Paul were the ultimate hosts, preparing snacks (fruit, muffins and water) for the journey.  Driving a duffy boat is easy, so we explored the waterways of Huntington Harbor, practicing our turns, backing up and maintaining a steady course.  It was lots of fun meeting them, but after all that hard work (LOL), we headed for lunch.

Fish Camp came up on Google Maps as the nearest restaurant, so we headed there.  The restaurant is actually in Sunset Beach, a very famous surf town.  The restaurant is right on Coast Highway.  It is owned by people that own King's Fish House in Carlsbad.  They have several other locations, but Fish Camp is more casual, but the food is just as good.

When you walk in, you first see a small fish market, for fresh fish.  Then, there is a counter where you order your food.  Next, choose a seat inside the roomy restaurant, or outside on the covered patio, which we did.  We were in the mood for fish and chips, and I must say it was excellent.  We got the three piece plate, with a nice light batter on the fish, but cooked to a golden brown.  The fries were thin and crispy, and the cole slaw was refreshing.  Fish tacos looked great.  They also had a selection of full meals, where you pick your fish, pick your sauce, and then make it a platter with rice and salad, or a sandwich.  Whatever you do, you can't go wrong.  You'll love your meal.  It's a great choice for lunch or dinner if you're in the area.

It's Official:Excessive Gaming Is Now A Mental Disorder

The WHO has now identified excessive gaming as a mental health disorder.  The official description is as follows:
  Gaming disorder is characterized by a pattern of persistent or recurrent gaming behaviour (‘digital gaming’ or ‘video-gaming’), which may be online (i.e., over the internet) or offline, manifested by: 1) impaired control over gaming (e.g., onset, frequency, intensity, duration, termination, context); 2) increasing priority given to gaming to the extent that gaming takes precedence over other life interests and daily activities; and 3) continuation or escalation of gaming despite the occurrence of negative consequences. The behaviour pattern is of sufficient severity to result in significant impairment in personal, family, social, educational, occupational or other important areas of functioning. The pattern of gaming behaviour may be continuous or episodic and recurrent. The gaming behaviour and other features are normally evident over a period of at least 12 months in order for a diagnosis to be assigned, although the required duration may be shortened if all diagnostic requirements are met and symptoms are severe.

Obviously everyone who plays video games does not have a mental health disorder.  It has to do with the amount of time played, the frequency, and the degree of involvement in the game.  Believe it or not, the average gamer is a 35 year old male!  That statistic surprised me.  Little is known about how to treat "gaming disorder."  I assume treatment would be similar to any other addictive activity, like shopping or games on your phone or computer.

Our society has become one of excess.  We seem to overdo everything.  Use of the computer, the mobile phone, TV.  We overeat, overdrink and take drugs in excess.  It's a cultural thing.  Now excessive gaming is just another excess to add to the list.  I think of  my mom's words from decades ago.  "Everything in moderation."  Good words to live by, mom.

What Was Your First Job?

Babysitting was my first job.  In the 1950's every young girl over the age of 12 was babysitting.  Can you imagine trusting a 12 year old today to take care of a couple of infants and toddlers?  I used to babysit for a family with two little girls.  It was easy money.  Most of the time, the girls slept.  All I had to do was watch tv or study.  I can't believe I was given the responsibility of caring for young children.  I was a child myself.

My first actual job was a summer job when I was 16.  I worked in a garment factory in Los Angeles.  My parents had a good friend who owned a women's wear company, and he gave me a summer job.  I left every morning at 6am to walk to Sunset Blvd. and Veteran Ave, where I caught the bus for downtown.  I didn't return until around 6pm.  Here's a little of what my day was like and what I learned from the experience.

I learned a lot at that summer job.  I learned how to get along with all kinds of people, Black,
White,Hispanic and Asian.  I learned to talk to people with little or no education and discovered they often had a lot to teach me.   Most of all, I learned that hard work does not necessarily lead to success.  The people that worked in the garment factory were among the hardest working people I have ever met.  They worked long days, most had many children to cook and clean for, and a husband to keep happy.  They worked for low wages, but for the most part, they were happy people. It was a great experience for me, and I definitely learned that education was the way to better future.

I had some other crazy jobs in my teens, like working as a girl Friday for Mala Powers, a popular actress at the time.  She lived in Studio City, and I was constantly driving from her home to the studio to deliver clothes to the set.  When I wasn't running errands for her, I was clipping coupons from magazines for her at her house.  Seriously!  However, it was my first job, the garment factory job, where I clipped threads off finished clothes, sorted finished clothes by size, and learned to cut patterns, that I remember best.  I checked that job off my list of jobs I never wanted to do again!