Today was the first day I drove my new car to Taft. What a pleasure. It's a Camry, and I never thought I'd be saying this, but I absolutely love it. Now all I have to do is figure out how to use the navigation system, Bluetooth for the phone, and the radio, AM, FM, and satellite. It'll probably take me the length of the lease to figure out how to use everything. Today also means only 88 days left.
Brian came to visit today. He stayed for hours, something he doesn't usually do, and Ron absolutely loved it. We talked about his family, his work, our future and just about everything else. It was a really great visit. The weather was beautiful, so we sat outside again. That's a great sacrifice for Ron, as he has a very bony behind and hard wooden benches hurt his tailbone. Not a problem for me or Brian, so we were comfortable sitting while Ron stood for a good hour.
I've seen a progression of Ron from the early days of incarceration to now, a few weeks before release. He began his stay there as a very quiet, reserved, humble man. He only spoke when spoken to, he never looked the guards in the eye, never told a joke. Today he still somewhat reserved and humble, but everything else has changed. The passion he used to have toward whatever he did has returned. He loves to tell jokes to his friends at Taft, even off color jokes, which he never would have told a year ago. He has established a very friendly relationship with most of the guards. They even talk about sports. They now seem him as a person, not just a number. It really improves your self image when you realize that the guards know your name, and don't refer to you as just another number.
One of Ron's traits is that he likes to be in control. Just ask his children. He is working so hard on tempering this trait, and it reared it's head today during our visit. I left Taft wondering if he really has made changes, as I thought he had. I hadn't been gone 20 minutes when my phone rang. It was Ron telling me that he realized he was trying to be controlling today, and that he is going to make a concerted effort not to control, but to be there to advise if I, or the kids want him to. That's hard to do when you've been doing something else most of your life. I can't expect any more of him than to try, and I know he will. Of course I'll be there to remind him if he tries to get controlling.
One other thing he reminded me of today was how much he has had to rely on himself alone, to solve problems, to figure things out. Yes, I've been there to support him when something comes up, but since I'm not there he has to go through alot alone. We've been a team for over 41 years, so dealing with adversity alone is difficult. Luckily we have both had support from those around us, but as I've said before, when you turn out the lights and put you're head on the pillow, you're alone with your thoughts and feelings, and you have to learn to deal with them. I think we've both done a pretty good job.
Monday, May 2, 2011
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Recognizing there IS a problem is half the battle, for Ron to have noticed himself he was "doing it" again is the best indication of change, and better yet, that he called to tell you makes me smile even more. Good for Ron. He seems such a lovely man, and he's blessed to have you as his partner. What he says about being alone to rely on only himself is something you both deal with...theres no way you can pick up the phone and call HIM...that has to be so, so hard at times.
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