Domestic Abuse Is All About Control

I just finished reading a most compelling book called "I Let You Go."  It was about a young woman dealing with domestic abuse.  I couldn't put the book down, and felt the author so clearly let the reader know what the abuser was going through.

Often alcohol and drugs are a factor in domestic violence, but not always.  Characteristics of an abuser include controlling, manipulative, and seeing themselves as the victim.  What happens is always someone else's fault.  (usually the abused).  Violence is a tool to keep the mate from leaving the relationship.  Total control and power is what the abuser wants.

The abuse cycle has several stages, which the couple go through.  After completing the stages, the cycle usually starts again, unless the abused seeks help.  The build up phase, is when tension begins to build.  The stand-over phase, is when verbal attacks increase.  The explosion phase is when violent outbursts take place, then comes remorse.  In this phase the abuser blames the victim for his or her violent behavior and says it will never happen again.  Then comes the honeymoon phase, when everything is wonderful again, but only for a short time before the cycle begins again.  Abuse can be physical, sexual, verbal, psychological or emotional.  Whatever it is, no one deserves this kind of treatment, and should seek professional help.  Fortunately there are safe houses for women who feel they and their children are in physical danger from their abuser.

I highly recommend "I Let You Go."  I thought I knew alot about what an abused woman goes through, but this fiction book made it so much clearer.  Read it if you get a chance.