Fifty Fourth Visit to Taft

Brian and David came to visit Ron at Taft last Friday. It's always a great day when the four of us are together. It's not much different than it used to be around the dining room table. Lots of talking, arguing, joke telling and laughing. We were missing Phil. That would have made it just like home.

I noticed a change in Ron today. He was just like his old self, before all this mess began. He was talking to his kids about business, future projects, advising them on how to do certain things. He hasn't really done this in a long time, maybe because he felt that he was not one to give advise, considering his situation. But he is so optimistic about his future, the things he plans to get involved in, and I haven't seen him like this since way before he came to Taft. He has his confidence back. Yeah!

An article in Thursday's Wall Street Journal had Taft, and I assume all federal camps, abuzz. Obama's new budget will have prisons as an area they intend to cut. What they want to do is increase the amount of good time allotted to federal inmates. Instead of 15% good time it will be increased substantially. What does that mean to me? A lot. It means that if that budget passes, and if they actually act on what they propose to cut in a timely fashion, Ron could be coming home early. Is this just another opportunity to be disappointed? Maybe. I am sure that this will happen, but whether or not it will happen in time to make a difference to Ron is unknown at this time. It does make a huge difference to some of Ron's friends who were given very long sentences as first time offenders of a nonviolent crime. The savings will be tremendous, as each prisoner costs the U.S. taxpayers close to $50,000 a year. With the aging prison population, sometimes the cost is much higher.

We talked alot about the possibility of this actually happening. I'm afraid to get excited about it just because I know how slowly bureaucracy moves and even if this passes, it could be many months before implementation. Ron is excited but doesn't show it. As he says, no matter what happens, he'll be home in 5 months.

We spent about an hour talking about what we each think regarding Ron coming home, and what we think about doing together. My thoughts are rather romantic, like taking a nice walk and then having lunch together. Ron's are, well I don't know what you'd call his thoughts. He's thinking about mornings when I get up early and go to the gym, he sleeps in and awaits my return, then I fix breakfast for us both. Why are men and women so different?

The BOP is in no hurry to release prisoners. Jobs will be lost, prisons may close, and lots of work will have to be done by current employees in preparation for prisoner release. The BOP doesn't want any of these things to happen, so I don't see this happening in a hurry. It would be nice if it would, but I have to be optimistic and go on past performance. Wait, wait, wait.

We are both in a good place emotionally right now, counting down the weeks, preparing to be together again. If the budget cuts take place, it will be a sweet surprise for us both. As I've said many times before, "Hope for the best but expect the worst."

Nonviolent Communication=Compassionate Communication

In an effort to prepare offenders for reentry, Taft Correctional Institutions offers a variety of learning opportunities meant to teach new skills and create good citizens. Ron has taken just about every class offered, from horticulture, to Toastmasters, to home improvement. The latest class is a series of lectures and discussions, including role playing called Nonviolent Communication. The course is based on the work of Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of the movement. I thought I would research this program, as I'd never heard of it before.

Nonviolent communication (NVC)is an approach to communication that emphasizes compassion as the motivation for action rather than fear, guilt,shame,blame or threat of punishment. In other words, it is about getting what you want for reasons you will not regret later. NVC is not about getting people to do what we want, it is about creating a quality of connection that gets everyone's needs met through compassionate giving.

NVC training teaches you to express yourself honestly without attacking. This will help minimize the likelihood of facing defensive reactions in others. Requests are made clearly. They will help you receive critical and hostile messages without taking them personally, givining in, or losing self esteem. The skills learned in this course can help an individual deal with family and co workers alike. The principles of NVC are not new, but Dr. Rosenberg has articulated them in a way that people can understand. If this is of interest to you, go to www.cnvc.org to find out more about Dr. Rosenberg and his theories.

The course is a wonderful addition to the skill courses that they offer at Taft, as many inmates have difficulty expressing themsleves well. This course offers them a chance to develop nonviolent ways to communicate that can only enhance their chances for success upon release.

Chicken Enchilada Bowl

On my most recent trip to Colorado, I sampled Evol's newest product, bowls. They will have four different bowls available in Whole Foods sometime in January, then in the spring they'll be nationwide. I sampled them, loved them, especially the Chicken Enchilada Bowl. I tried, but failed to recreate it on my own at home. I had to call Phil for help. He's not much for precision in cooking. He always tells me to use a little of this and a little of that. Here is my translation of what he told me. I would make this in a casserole. In the stores, the meal will be in single serving bowls in the freezer section.

Chicken Enchilada Bowl (Casserole)

2 chicken breasts cooked and shredded
4 corn tortillas
1-2 cans green enchilllada sauce
white rice, cooked
1 1/2 c. shredded cheese-cheddar or jack or combo

In a casserole place a layer of cooked rice on the bottom. Sprinkle shredded chicken and cheese. Then dip tortillas in enchilada sauce and put a layer of tortillas down. Repeat process (like lasagna) and end with cheese on top. Pour remaining enchilada sauce over the whole thing. Bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes or until bubbly. Let it rest for 10 minutes before cutting into squares. (you can add other things like chopped tomato, olives and onion if you like). Enjoy

Who Has A Super Autobiographical Memory?

On December 19, 2010, 60 Minutes aired a segment on a new area of brain research, people with super autobiographical memory. I remember the date because I wrote it down, but the 5 people they interviewed would all have remembered the program if they had watched it, even if it had been 15 years ago.

The fact that these "normal" people could remember every day of their lives, what they did, what they ate, how they felt, including what day of the week each date fell on, was mind boggling. They seem to be able to store an infinite amount of information. These people aren't freaks. If you met them they would seem just like me and you, but they have the remarkable ability to recall every day of their lives in minute detail. They don't struggle to do it, it's just there. As one of the responded when asked how she did it, she said "I don't do anything, it's just there."

Research into the brains of this small group of people is just beginning. They have noticed that all these people have larger than normal temporal lobes and most are left handed. At this point very few people have been diagnosed as having super autobiographical memories, but after the exposure on 60 Minutes, many more will come forward.

One thing I did notice was that all identified people worked in the arts. All have a degree of obsessiveness about them. The other thing that Leslie Stahl pointed out was the all except one were single and not in a relationship. I think posessing this ability might be very hard on a relationship. It's not that these people are smarter, they're not. But they have a special ability to do something most of us can't and that may create problems in a relationship.

I don't know that I'd want to possess this ability. Imagine remembering everything you did and felt on every day of your life? The pain of reliving your teen age years, the break up with boyfriends or husbands, the hurt of losing a loved one. Those emotions would be with you always, called up at a moments notice.

I'll stick with my psychological condition, CRS. You know what that is. Can't Remember Shit. Most people I know have it to some degree, but luckily we've got our friends around to help us remember what we can't on our own.

Seriously though, the research into the brain condition discussed on 60 Minutes is absolutely fascinating. It is being done at UC Irvine. I can't wait to learn more about it. It just amazes me, that in the 21st century where we know so much in the field of science and technology, the brain is still a mystery. Perhaps further research will lead scientists to conlusions that will help in the treatment of Alzheimer's and other brain disorders. I can't wait to learn more!

Falling Through The Cracks

A few weeks ago 60 Minutes had a story that caught my attention. It was about all the military vets that have fallen through the cracks. I was especially interested because the story spoke of a San Diego based veterans program to help those in need. The tragedy of the story was that for every vet they are able to help, there are 50 more that are turned away.

The story told about how quickly newly returning vets become homeless. During the aftermath of the Vietnam War, it took about 8-10 years for vets to become homeless. In the aftermath of Iraq and Afghanistan, vets are becomming homeless in about one year. They did not go into why this is happening so quickly, but the answer seems simple to me. We are not providing the services these men and women need to make sure they become productive members of society again. There is little or no preparation for their release from military life, back to civilian life. Many men and women went into the military right out of college. They may have done several tours and now they're 25 years old and have never been out in the real world and don't know how to cope. They are unprepared.

One man in particular caught my eye. He was around 30 years old, nice looking and well spoken. He was homeless in San Diego. He did not qualify for any military program because he was NOT on drugs or alcohol. All the programs center around helping returnees who are adicted. What about all those that have stayed off drugs? Shouldn't we offer them help? The reality is that they have a better chance of success in civilian life if given a home and few tools.

It reminds me a bit of the prison system, which I have learned much about in the past year. All over the prisons are signs saying, "Preparing inmates for reentry." Ha, what a laugh that is. Teaching someone to till the soil or how to lay tile, that's about the extent of the skills they teach. How about a little psycho therapy to prepare men and women for the real world? Many of these people have been out of society for years, may not have any family to support them, how are they possibly going to make it? What they're doing now is a recipe for failure. It's the same in the military (which I have no firsthand knowledge of). Men and women are sent home, some services are available, but it's all after the fact. Nothing seems to be done to prepare them befoe things get bad.

I'm not an expert in any of these subjects, but these are just things that I have noticed as huge problems that we're just not solving. There are individual programs that are fantastic and are helping the few they serve, but so many are not getting the help they need. We need to do better.

Fifty Third Visit to Taft

I was feeling a little down after my visit with Ron on Friday probably because of the news he got at his team meeting last week. As much as we try to keep our emotions on an even keel, events take place that get us off balance. When he was told his release date might be 7 weeks later than he had originally thought, he felt like he'd been punched in the stomach.

Ron is a planner. When he was told last summer that his release would be in early June, Ron started counting the days, weeks and months until June 15. Then all of a sudden he was told his date would be around July 27. All his counting would have to be recalculated. Figuring out the new days, weeks and months gives him something to do, but it is all so uncertain. It keeps us in a state of limbo, no knowing what they're going to tell us next.

Even though our visit was as gratifying as always, Ron was definitely distracted. We usually play cards for awhile, but Ron didn't want to do that. I know he's thinking about the change in date a lot, trying to figure out why, never getting any answers. It's terribly frustrating.

This situation is a perfect example of what Ron says is the hardest part of incarceration. He says "Everything is difficult" in prison. What that means is that everything you do, from shopping in the commissary, to eating a meal, to asking a simple question, is all difficult. Ron might want to know the answer to a simple question, like whether or not the horticulture teacher will be coming tomorrow. He may go ask someone and rather than get the question answered, will be told to come back in a few hours. Maybe this has something to do with time. Time is something the inmates have a lot of, so perhaps those in charge don't see any urgency to getting things done. Six months ago the inmates were told they would have a coffee machine put in the visitors room so that we could all enjoy coffee during visitation. It still isn't there.

Bureaucracy at work. You have no idea. I don't know why everything is so difficult, but to get anything done takes paperwork, paperwork, paperwork and lots of time. There are procedures for everything. If Ron had a long sentence I might feel inclined to get involved and try to initiate change, but I've seen what's happened with others who have tried. The system is so set in its ways that any change comes slowly and in baby steps. I don't have that kind of time.

Very few lawmakers are even the slightest bit interested in streamlining prisons and making them more efficient. Jim Webb is one of the few working for prison reform. After all, prisons are big business. Changes and improvements might eliminate jobs and that's definitely NOT something lawmakers are looking to do.

Sometime in the future I will elaborate on some of these issues, but now is not the time. For now I will just say how difficult it is see problems and not be able to do or say anything. Later I will have something to say.

Facts About Pomegrantes

I never thought much about the health benefits of the pomegranete until recently. It was always a fall fruit that stained my clothes, made a mess of my sink, but was delicious to eat. I would buy a whole pomegranete, cut it in quarters, and eat it over the sink. I never thought about using the seeds in salads, juicing the fruit or using it salad dressing. Recently the pomegrante has become THE fruit to eat for its many health benefits.

The pomegranete is native to Iran, Saudi Arabia, Northern India, Bengal and Southern Asia and is cultivated throughout the world. There are over 760 varieties of pomegranete. Ancient Egyptians were often buried with pomegranates. Pomegranates are mentioned numerous times in the Bible. Jewish tradition teaches that the pomegranate is a symbol of righteousness because its 613 seeds correspond with the 613 commandments of the Torah. (however, the number of seeds in a pomegranate varies). Many scholars believe it was a pomegranate rather than an apple that tempted Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

There are many health benefits of pomegranate juice. Here are a few: 1. fights breast cancer. Studies in Israel show that pomegranate juice destroys breast cancer cells while leaving healthy cells alone. 2. Lung cancer prevention. Studies in mice show that pomegranate juice may inhibit the development of lung cancer. 3. Slows prostate cancer. It slowed the growth of prostate cancer in mice. 4. Keeps PSA levels stable. In a study of 50 men who had undergone treatment for prostate cancer, 8 ounces of pomegranate juice per day kept PSA leveles stable. 5. Protects the arteries. It prevents plaque from building up in the arteries and may reverse previous plaque buildup. 6. Alzheimer's Disease prevention. It may prevent and slow Alzheimer's disease. In one study, mice bred to develop Alzheimer's disease were given pomegranate juice. They accumulated significantly less amyloid plaque than control mice. 7. Lowers blood pressure. One study showed that drinking 1.7 ounces of pomegranate juice per day lowered systolic blood pressue by as much as 5 percent. 8. Dental protection. Research suggest that drinking pomegranate juice may be a natural way to prevent dental plaque.

If pomegrante juice can do half of what researchers say it can I guess I should be drinking it. It's tangy flavor is not a favorite for everyone, but I happen to love it. I've never been much of a juice drinker. The Pritikin Program taught me years ago that eating the whole fruit is much better for you than drinking juice. Getting the fiber from skin and pulp makes whole fruit a better choice, but this really isn't possible with the pomegranate. I guess I'll pick up a bottle of POM next time I go shopping.

Mediterranean Kamut Salad

I'm always looking for something new and different, and last year at the Natural Food Expo in Anaheim I discovered kamut. Kamut is an ancient grain, similar to durham wheat. It's hearty, with a nutty flavor that I just love. I wrote about the grain many months ago, but here is my favorite recipe using kamut. What I like most about this recipe is that it is versatile. Whatever you happen to have in the house, that's what you put in this salad. I'll give you the basic recipe, then you tweak it depending on your preferences. I use it as a side dish with any meat, fish or chicken, or sometimes as a main course for lunch with a bowl of soup. Enjoy.

Mediterranean Kamut Salad

2 cups cooked kamut (available in bins at natural food stores. I found it at Henry's. If not available, use wheatberries instead)

1 red pepper diced

1/2 small red onion, diced

1/4 c. kalmata olives, pitted and diced


parsley and cilantro chopped (to taste)

1/4 c. dried cranberries

1/2 c. feta cheese, crumbled

2 T. olive oil

2-4 T. balsamic vinegar-start small and add more if needed

Boil a large pot of water, add kamut and cook for 45 minutes. Grain should be well covered with water, as grain will absorb water in the cooking process. Drain kamut and cool.

Put in mixing bowl and add the rest of the ingredients.

Store in a tight container. It will keep for 5-7 days. It is actually better on the second day, as the grain absorbs the oil and vinegar and the flavors meld.

Any vegetable you have on hand can be used in this salad. Cherry tomatoes, seeded cucumbers, pine nuts, pomegranetes and dried cherries are other possible ingredients. I hope you like this as much as I do.

The World Water Crisis

When you think about the issues facing developing countries, do you think that contaminated water is the #1 cause of death? When I heard this I was shocked. Bad water kills people: cholera, hepatitis, typhoid, dysentery, guinea worm and more. Over a billion people today do not have access to safe water.

Less than 1% of the earth's water is fresh water, and only about one-third of this 1% is available for human use. Unfortunately, almost all of this water is contaminated. According to USA Today "More people die each year from unsafe water than from all forms of violence, including war."

Even those who have access to wells are not safe. Often these wells are contaminated by seeping surface water and pit latrines. One person in six lives without regular access to safe drinking water.

In the developing world, contaminated water accounts for 80% of all diseases and claims the lives of 5 million children a year.

Current water technologies are ineffective, unpractical, or too expensive. This is unacceptable in an era when we can put a man on the moon and make cars run on cow dung.

Chlorination is the only disinfection technology that effectively disinfects from the point of introduction all the way through the piping system to the tap as well as storage containers. Purifiers are in use in many developing nations, including Zambia, Kenya, Thailand and India. It's a matter of getting these purifiers installed, which takes some technology, but it seems this would be money well spent if it reduced disease. In Lingira, 90% of all families suffered from diarrhea during the rainy season. Since the water purifier was installed a local health worker says she hardly every sees diarrhea related illnesses.

This is another one of those stories that you hear very little about. It's not something that gets much attention, or apparently, much money. Safe water can be provided for as little as $1 per person per year. Treating a single case of a waterborne disease will cost more than providing safe water for a village for a whole year. Why isn't anyone doing anything about this problem?

Barney the WonderDog Will Remain On My Blog

My thought was to remove Barney's picture from my blog after the one year anniversary of his passing, January 13. I have changed my mind after talking to my friend Cindy last week. I don't know Cindy very well but I think we have a lot in common, and today her story convinced me to keep Barney's picture on my blog.

She had to euthanize her 12 year old dog last week. I know just how she was feeling. It's such a difficult thing to do, even when you know it is best for everyone. The look in a dog's eyes can melt your heart, and even when you know they're hurting it is difficult.

Cindy knew what she had to do days before she actually took her dog to the vet, but she started to think about Barney, and wanted to look at him. So she went to my blog, which she hadn't been to in a few weeks, just to look at his picture. That's when I decided to keep his picture up. She got strength from looking at his picture, and thinking about what I had gone through with him, how strong he was in the last few years, even as his body was giving out. I thought to myself, "Barney's life is inspirational." I will keep his picture up to remind myself and others that as long as there is quality of life, life is worth living.

I found Barney through an adoption program from the Amanda Foundation in Century City around 1990. It must have been fate. I parked in an area that I normally didn't park in, and the adoption area was set up near the escalator I had to take to my car. It was 4pm in the afternoon, they had about 4 dogs left, and they were closing up. The remaining dogs would be euthanized, I was told. I looked at Barney, and immediately fell in love. At the time I had just adopted a 7 week old Akita mix, who was a handful. I called Ron to ask how he felt about another dog. He said, "Absolutely no." With that I signed the papers to take Barney anyway, paid the money to have him neutered, and made plans to pick him up in a few days. When I came home without the dog Ron was so happy. I had to figure out what to do next, because in a few days the dog would show up at the house.

Three days later I picked up Barney and took him to my parents home. They had always been dog lovers and had been without a pet for several years, and I thought that maybe they would take him. My father took one look at Barney and said he was too ugly! Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. Well, to make a long story short, I brought Barney home, left for Europe two days later, and when I came back, Ron was in love. Through the next 18 years Barney gave us endless hours of entertainment, love, and even heartache. I don't regret any of the medical procedures we did at huge expense to prolong his life. When he was 15 years old he had disc surgery and rehab for $6,000 that prolonged his life by 4 years.

So after this long rant you will continue to see Barney's picture on my blog. I smile every time I see it, so until I have another somebody with which to replace his picture, that's what you'll get. Thanks, Cindy for talking to me and making me realize how much a picture can mean.

Fifty Second Visit to Taft

This was a very difficult week for both Ron and me. He had his team meeting, which they have every three months during the last part of incarceration. He was told his release would be later than he originally thought. When they told him that this week, it felt like a punch in the stomach to both of us. Seven weeks more than we thought! However, that could change at anytime, so you just have to learn to go with the flow. As I say, staying on an even keel is the most difficult thing to do. Lucky for Ron he has friends like David, Richard and Mark that really lifted his spirits. He was down in the dumps Thursday night,but by Friday morning when I saw him he was almost back to his old self, jokes and all. This experience has taught us both to be cautious of what anybody tells us. Someone else might give you very different information. The challenge is figuring out what's really going to happen. That's where patience comes in. In due time we will find out what his date of release really is.

Early last summer I started counseling a man facing a lot of jail time, and his wife. We met several times for coffee, and I shared with them some of the things I had learned from this experience. About a week after one of our meetings his wife called to tell me that the marshalls had come to their home and taken him away in handcuffs. They decided he was a flight risk, and sent him to a county jail in a small town in Minnesota to until his sentencing. That was in August. He has since been sentenced, but he is still sitting in county jail and has no idea when or where he will be sent. He got a long sentence, 10 years, 10 months, but still qualifies for a camp because with good time his sentence is well under 10 years. But when will he go? Here is how he can expect to get to his prison camp once he is finally assigned somewhere.

He will have what the prisoners call "diesel therapy." He will probably be coming to California, so he may come by bus over the course of 6-12 weeks. They will shackle him, put him in a bus, and take him to the next city. There he will stay in a local jail until they determine it's time to move to the next city. Then they will shackle him again and take him by bus and house him in another local jail. If he gets lucky he might get to Oklahoma City and take the prison plane to California. That doesn't usually happen though. Many men Ron has talked to have arrived at their destination in this fashion. It's never a point to point ride. One friend of Ron's who is at Taft had a court appearance in San Diego. It took him 3 weeks to get to San Diego via Victorville, one of the worst prisons in the state. He had a one day court appearance, then waited weeks to be returned to Taft. Maybe they put the guys through this torture so that when they actually do arrive at their destination they think they're in paradise.

Oh happy day. It's a new week and things are going to be better. Keep positive and know that the best is yet to come. Ron is wondering if he should be recalculating the hours, days, weeks and months until his release. I told him "No" because we don't really know. On second thought, it's a good project for him to work on. He has plenty of time.

Sprinkles Comes to La Jolla

Ever since Sprinkles opened it's first cupcake store in Beverly Hills, and by their account the first cupcake store in the country in the early 2000's, shops selling the delectible frosted cakes can be found everywhere. Every shopping center has a cupcake store, and all the major markets sell them too. Some are better than others.

At Sprinkles you can be assured you are getting the freshest cupcakes, made with the highest quality ingredients. Are they the best cupcakes? I don't know. A cupcake is a cupcake to me, as long as it's moist and has lots of frosting. One of my favorites, because of all the frosting on them, is the cupcakes at Bristol Farms. They are delicious.

When Sprinkles first opened in Beverly Hills there was a line out the door for months. I don't know if that's still so, but their business is booming. They have about 10 American locations, and have another 10 on the way, including one in Paris.

The latest Sprinkles is right here in La Jolla. It opened January 13, so check it out. It's located in The Shops at La Jolla Village, 8855 La Jolla Village Drive. I will definitely check it out the next time I'm in the neighborhood.

Yahrzeit for Barney

In the Jewish tradition, a Yahrzeit candle is lit on the first anniversary of the death of a loved one, and every year thereafter. Yahrzeit is Yiddish for "a year's time." On the eve of the first anniversary of the death of a loved one, Jews buy a special candle, a Yahrzeit candle. It is lit and the Mourners Kaddish is recited. The Yahrzeit candle is a special candle, as it will stay lit for 24 hours. The candle flame is often throught of symbolically as the human soul.

Today is the one year anniversary of the death of my beloved dog, Barney. I think of him often, even to this day. Every time I open the garage door I get a little twinge in my stomach, thinking he might be on the other side of the door waiting for me. Those of you who are dog owners and lovers will know what I'm talking about. The rest of you will think what I've said is silly and ridiculous. I think of him on this day and cry over him for the last time (I hope). Little is left around the house to remind me of him, other than the wonderful memories I have. In his last few months he had trouble making it outside. Due to his accidents in the house, I had to have the carpet replaced. The backyard grass that had patches of brown spots has all come back to a beautiful green. The one remaining sign of Barney in the backyard is a little nest he made for himself. Not long after we moved here, Barney found a cool area of the backyard, against the fence and under a shady tree, and moved ivy, dirt and other plants around to make a cute little nest. He would sit out there almost every day and just enjoy the breeze. Every time I go into the yard I see the nest and am reminded of him. I will not disturb that nest. Maybe someday I will have another dog and he will enjoy that same nest. That would make me very happy.

It's been a year since the passing of Barney, and I wrote this to honor him. I just added the information about the Jewish tradition as a way of informing those of you who don't know about it. No, I didn't light a candle or say Kaddish for Barney. I'm not that crazy!

So goodbye Barney. Someone who added so much to life is never really gone. Human or animal, the memories will last forever. Barney, who brought Ron and I so much pleasure is gone, but he will always be in our hearts.

Gems at the GIA

One of the best kept secrets in Carlsbad is the GIA, the Gemological Institute of America. It is not only an institute that anyone can tour and learn in 1 1/2 hours more than than you learned in college science class, but it is a school that teaches students everything they need for a career in gems or jewelry. They even teach jewelry classes. I was surprised that the Carlsbad GIA is one of only two in the country, the other being in New York City.

Our guide took us through the halls, showing us mineral specimens, loose gems, jewelry and photography. I especially enjoyed the unique jewelry designs of Ricardo Basta, from Beverly Hills. His pieces were spectacular. We also viewed some very interesting photographs by Bill Atkinson, some close up views of gems, giving the viewer a very different perspective.

We learned about natural stones and treated stones, and the various ways gems can be treated. I feel I really learned a great deal. This is not saying much. I knew nothing about gems before the tour.

Did you know that we have a tourmaline mine nearby? In the are of the Pala Casino, there is tourmaline mine where some nice pieces of tourmaline have been mined. I understand the public (for a fee) can try their hand at mining. I may look into this. Sounds like fun.

GIA also has an extensive library on gems and minerals, one of the largest in the U.S., and the library is open to anyone. One of the most popular programs offered by GIA is the elementary school program. In conjunction with the 4th grade science curriculum, the GIA offeres classroom children visits to the institute. What a great experience for the kids.

Next time you have out of town visitors who are tired of the same old tourist sites, Sea World, Zoo, etc, make an appointement for a tour of the GIA. Go to www.gia.edu for more information. There's lots to learn. Finish off the day with a relaxing lunch at Karl Strauss, just minutes away. It's a great way to spend an afternoon.

It's Been One Year

Today is January 11, 2011, exactly one year since my life changed forever. It was one year ago that I drove Ron to Taft, dropped him off and watched him walk through the double doors to start his new life, while I drove the 220 miles home to start my life without him. I remember clearly the empty feeling I had as I headed mindlessly down Copus Road on the way to I-5. I had a tape on and I couldn't tell you what was on if my life depended on it.

All the planning in the world doesn't prepare one for the emotional changes life has in store. Up until last year, I lived alone for about 3 months in my entire life. (that was between marriage #1 and the time I met Ron). I am used to having someone around all the time. In addition, I usually have had one or two dogs at all times. Wow. How different life is without someone to talk to, share ideas with, eat and sleep with, and without a dog who's always there when you come home and will cheer you up, regardless of your mood. Barney, my companion for 18 years, was euthanized two days after Ron was incarcerated. It was like a one-two punch.

But I survived. Ron survived. In fact, I can even say we have both thrived. He has gotten his health in check and has spent a very introspective year going through his entire life and reviewing the circumstances that led to his incarceration. He has learned much about himself, about other people, about life. I too have thrived. I have learned to negotiate leases, pay bills, handle finances and enjoy a full life by myself. According to my calculations, I have only about 140 more days of life as I now know it.

What will life be like when Ron returns? I hope it will be as fantastic as we both anticipate. I know it will be different than it was before, as we have both changed, we have both grown. My guess is that this experience will make our new life together even better. On the one year anniversary of Ron's incarceration I am reflecting on all that has happened this year. Barney died, twins Spencer and Ryan were born, David changed jobs, I took a trip with my Mom. All these events seem ages ago at times, and then I think about them and it seems like they happened just last week.

However good or bad a situation is, it will change. That is a given. I'm looking forward to a change in June, a change for the good.

Fifty First Trip to Taft

Friday morning's drive to Taft reminded me of how beautiful California is. I started in Los Angeles, with clear, beautiful sunlight. About 45 minutes later I was driving through the Tejon Pass, with a dusting of snow on the green hills and snow covering areas that had been recently burned. The tops of the mountains had just a smattering of the white stuff, much of it had already melted, and it looked like rivers of white falling down from the hills. After reaching the summit, around 4400 feet, I descended down the Grapevine. About 5 miles from the bottom I encountered Tule fog, my first experience with the thick, soupy fog that sometimes closes the highway. Luckily that was not the case today, although visibility was down to about 20 feet. California really does have it all.

Ron was a little nervous about my driving in these conditions, and so I got a call around 7:45am asking me where I was and when I would arrive. I'm sure he was waiting anxiously for me for the next hour. Since tomorrow will be Ron's one year anniversary at Taft, we had a lot to reminisce about. Where had the year gone? It was exactly one year ago most of our family was together at Fleming's in Woodland Hills eating a delicious prime rib dinner. The feast before the famine! Ron and I both remember it vividly. The best part of our Friday visit focused on the future, and the fact that we have 20 weeks to go. Yeah!

One thing Ron is looking forward to is redoing all the things we did together that he never really got a chance to enjoy because he had so much on his mind. This would include trips to Europe, especially the trips in the late 1990's when the pressure of his work consumed him. He reminded me of a trip we took to London with some friends in 1999. Every moment we weren't out sightseeing, he was on the phone or computer in the hotel room. He remembers a trip to Napa Valley and a balloon ride that he couldn't enjoy because he had so much on his mind. He remembers trips to art museums or concerts, where all he wanted was to have it end so he could get home and back to his work. That's no way to live. He knows that now, but it sure took a long time to learn.

Things have changed. When Ron was growing up his parents encouraged him to work hard and make a lot of money. Whether you like your work or not was secondary. So he grew up without learning about the balance between work and play. Luckily we did not pass that trait on to our kids. We taught our children that hard work is good, but you should work at something you love. You should also balance your life with family and hobbies, and not worship the almighty dollar. I think they have all learned that lesson.

So some of our post Taft time will be spent revisiting places and things we have seen in the past, but hopefully in a different light. The next time around Ron and I will stop and smell the roses. The business pressures of the past are gone. Learning to enjoy leisure time will be a new skill for Ron to learn, but one he is ready and willing to take on.

Back To Basics

The holiday season is over, we've all put on the obligatory 7 pounds, and it's time to get back to basics. That means different things to different people, but here's what it means to me.

1. Throw out all the candy, cake and cookies that are left over from the holidays, or give them to a thin friend or neighbor.

2. Clean out your refrigerator. Leftover gravy, stuffing, cranberries, high calorie cheeses, dips, etc. have got to go.

3. Make a trip to Henry's, Jimbo's, Whole Foods, any local supermarket or your farmers market and stock up on fruits and veggies, including sweet potatoes, yams, red potatoes, and unusual veggies to include in soups and salads.

4. Go home and make a pot of delicious vegetable soup. I use canned chicken broth as a base, then add my veggies. I always put in 2 red potatoes cut up, to give the soup a little more bulk. I usually include onions, carrots, zucchini, chopped up kale (or spinach), celery, potatoes and anything else you have on hand. I usually make a big pot, freeze half of it, keep the rest to eat for the following week.

5. Cook a few sweet potatoes or yams. I try to find the 6oz size potatoes, but if you can't, buy the bigger ones and just eat half for a serving, save the rest for later.

6. Try NOT to eat out for the next few weeks. It will make losing weight so much easier.

7. Delicious lunches include vegetable soup and a low calorie sandwich, vegetable soup and a 6oz yam, or vegetable soup with cottage cheese and fruit. I love these lunches and they keep me satisfied until dinner.

It took me 65 years to figure out how to keep my weight in check. I'm a slow learner, but I thought since I think I've figured it out, I would share my tips with you. One thing I finally understand is that I can eat anything I want. I just can't eat as much as I used to. I can have the cheesecake, but usually a few bites will satisfy. I can have my son's Panna Cotta (which is out of this world), just not the whole thing. I keep these things out of the house and only eat them at parties or restaurants, or else I have to go out specifically to buy them. It's amazing how a craving can pass if you can't satisfy it right away.

Finally, and this is perhaps the most important thing. I eat only when I'm hungry. I'm not always hungry for lunch at noon or dinner at 6pm. Often I will eat lunch at 11am if I happen to be hungry. I sometimes eat dinner at 4:30pm (I am getting old!) because that's when I'm hungry. If I get hungry later at night I always have my fudgesicles, juice bars, popcorn or apples.

Try some of my tips and see if they work for you. You'll have the 7 pounds off in no time, you'll feel great, you will have cleaned your cupboards of unnecessary junk, and maybe even tasted some new fruits and veggies along the way. Good luck.

Breathe Deeply and Appreciate the Moment

This is a quote from a Lululemon shopping bag that I just brought home. I like to support companies that I believe in, and Lululemon is one of those. This is NOT a company whose only goal is the bottom line. Yes, they're a public company and their goal is to make profits and increase the price of their stock, but they are going about it in a kinder, gentler way. Let me explain.

First of all, they sell the highest quality athletic wear out there. Expensive, yes, but worth it, yes. The fit is amazing and the feel is also amazing. I've been reluctant to spend $75 for a pair of yoga pants, but my yoga buddy Barbara put it in perspective. I've been coming to Lululemon regularly for 2 years, every Saturday morning, for a free yoga class. Normally I would pay $10-15 for a yoga class, but with Lululemon's committment to community involvement, I've been taking free yoga every week for 2 years. With all the money I've saved, I can afford to buy their expensive pants. In fact, I just bought 2 pair of pants.

Lululemon's committment to community is a model for other companies to emulate. Not only do they offer free yoga, but they also have free pilates, zumba and barre classes. For those involved in trialathon or marathon training, they have running groups with trainers to help set goals. It's fabulous!

Charitable giving is important to Lululemoon, with each store having the ability to choose charities from their particular community. They're just as likely to give to a little local women's shelter as they are to give to the Salvation Army.

Education is very important to Lululemon. Not only education of their employees, but educating the public in the importance of living a healthy lifestyle. Something important at Lululemon is goalsetting. Employees are encouraged to set short term and long term goals, somethng we all should be doing. They even have a goaltender website to help you along.

www.lululemon.com is the website to check out the company, it's mission, and how it is fulfilling that mission. I love their website. Click on the blog section of the website to learn more about yoga, their international ambassadors, or answers to questions you may have about health and fitness. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that all their products are made in Canada. Lululemon is a Canadian compnay, and everything is made at their plant in Vancouver. Better if they made the clothes in America, but at least it's not China. The workers producing their clothing are making a living wage, and that feels good to me, even if I have to spend more to get it. Everything is a trade off. I'm willing to pay a little extra to get a great product that is made by workers that are paid fairly for their work.

Grandma Ruby's Fresh Cranberry Pie

I don't know who grandma Ruby is, but she sure created a delicious, seasonal dessert. I was at the Y in a weight class in November, when one of the students shouts out, "Does anyone want a recipe for a fantastic cranberry pie?" I had never had anyone hand out recipes in an exercise class before, so I figured this must be pretty good. I took a copy of the recipe, and the next day was invited to Fran and Jim's for dinner, and brought this pie. Fran liked it so much she ate the leftovers for breakfast the rest of the week. And it's so easy. The pie is assembled in about 5 minutes! Can't beat that. I think you could make it as a cobbler too. I haven't done it, but instead of putting it in a pie shell,place it in a pyrex dish and cover with a crumble topping.

Grandma Ruby's Fresh Cranberry Pie

1 unbaked deep dish pie shell (I used a frozen pie shell)
1 to 1 1/2 packages fresh or frozen whole cranberries (fresh is best)
1 1/2 cups sugar (divided use)
3/4 cups toasted walnuts (buy the walnut pieces, not the halves)
2 eggs
1 cup flour
1/2 cup melted butter
1/4 cup melted shortening (I use earth balance vegan shortening...crisco is fine)
zest from one orange (this was not in the original recipe but I thought was a nice addition)

Spread cranberries in bottom of pie shell. Sprinkle with 1/2 cup sugar and nuts, which have been lightly toasted. In a bowl, beat eggs well, adding the remaining 1 coup sugar gradually. Add flour, melted butter and shortening. Beat well and pour batter over cranberries. Be sure batter is below top of crust , or it will rise up and you will have a mess in your oven. I used only 1 package of cranberries.

Bake the pie in a preheated 325 degree oven for 1 hour, or until top is golden brown.

If you prefer a cobbler, put the ingredients in a pyrex pan and sprinkle with a cobbler topping, then bake as directed. A cobbler topping is a mixture of uncooked oats, butter cut in little pieces, a little flour, and brown sugar. Sprinkle mixture on top and cook as directed.

Cleaning Up For the New Year

I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions. Maybe that's because I knew I could never stick to them and I would look at that as a failure. This year is really no different. I have not made any firm resolutions, but I have resolved to start the year with finances in order and the kitchen in order. So Sunday, January 2, 2011 was spent making sure these two things happen.

For the first time in my married life I have been in charge of paying bills, budgeting and record keeping. For all of you who've been doing it for years it's old hat, but for me there was lots to learn. I have to say I've done a pretty good job, with just one little goof all year. I think that's pretty good. So now it's the end of the year and I am filing all my stuff from 2010 away and starting new files for bills, medical, etc. I'm getting pretty good at it, but the job will still go to Ron when he returns. That's one of the perks of being married to an accountant.

The rest of Sunday was spent removing all food from my kitchen that shouldn't have been there in the first place. Gingerbread, muffins, holiday cookies and candy are all gone. I have a hard time throwing things out. My mother taught me that was wasteful, but if I keep it around it will only go to my waist! I went to Henry's and bought a shopping cart full of fruits and vegetables and came home and spent the afternoon cooking. I made a delicious butternut squash soup, vegetable soup and marinara sauce. I have a few weeks worth of delicious, healthy meals that will help keep me on track.

I didn't make a resolution to lose X number of pounds this year, but I did resolve to eat healthy. That is something I can successfully do, and at the same time lose weight.

So the cupboards are bare, the files are empty and I'm ready for 2011. It's going to be a great year. Happy New Year to all.

Fiftieth Visit to Taft

It's January 1, and yesterday was my last visit to Taft for 2010. Ron has approximately 150 days left to serve and lots of markers that will help the time go fast. We were talking yesterday and Ron mentioned that he just opened a new tube of toothpaste, the last one he will use at Taft. Funny, but just a few days ago I also opened a new tube of toothpaste, and thought to myself that when it was used up Ron would be home. It's so interesting how we both have our own ways of counting the remaining time, some the same, some different. Ron can tell you how many minutes, days, weeks and months. I can only tell you the number of weeks and months. Ron can tell you how many days left from my bithday in February, our anniversary in March and Philip's birthday in April. He can tell you that when he uses up his current batch of vitamins, he will be home. I can tell you that he'll be home when my jelly bean jar is empty. That's my measure, as I see it dwindlng every day.

What has Ron learned from this experience? He feels that the ability to be PATIENT is what he has finally gotten a grip on. Ron's a type A personality, always in motion, always wanting answers "Now," always wanting immediate results. Well, when you're in prison you learn to slow down. Time takes on a different meaning. There is no rush for anything, because there's no where to go. I may rush to finish a book to return to the library. He has no time constraints. He can read all day or not at all. When waiting in line for meals there is also no rush. The food's going to be there when he gets there and he has no place important to go. I remember going to restaurants with Ron in the past and if there was more than a 5 minute wait, Ron had a hard time waiting. It will be interesting so see if his new found patience will transfer to his life when he gets home. I think it will. He remembers and quotes often, some lines from a Seinfeld show, where Jerry wonders why everyone is always in such a hurry to get home. You're at a party and you've got to get home. For what? To get to sleep and get ready for the next day? You're at a movie and you're in a rush to get home. Why? What's the difference if you get home at 10:00 or 10:30? We're always in such a rush to get home, and for what? It was a funny bit when Jerry Seinfeld did it, and something we both think of often. The prison experience has given new meaning to this Seinfeld bit.

Last week Ron was sick for the first time since he's been at Taft. He had the flu shot, he takes vitamins, lots of Vitamin C and calcium, yet he still got sick. Luckily he's got friends there that took care of him. One brought him soup, another made him dinner. The person in charge of mail was nice enough to bring his mail to his cube, as he was sleeping in bed. People are kind. Ron has also learned that if you're kind and respectful to others, both inmates and Taft staff, you will also be treated with kindness and respect. I'll talk more about that at another time. Ron is feeling much better now, just a lingering cough. Thanks to those that helped make him comfortable while he was fighting the flu. His frieds were there for him when he needed them.