Sixty Seventh Visit to Taft

Why am I so happy? Friday was my last trip to Taft in Ron's gas guzzling, premium gas only, 11 year old car. It's not that I don't like his car, I just don't like the mileage and the repair costs. It's beautiful to look at, but with gas prices what they are, a new Camry will be just fine for me. I'm excited about picking my new Camry in a few days. A new car always makes you feel good.

We're into double digits, that is, there are less than 99 days left until Ron returns home. (actually 92 days). Another reason to be happy. It's all very exciting to think about, there are also issues we both have to think about.

One thing Ron has learned in his pre release class is that the readjustment to living together is often more difficult than the time a couple has spent apart. I know how I have changed, but I won't know how Ron has changed until he is home. I have become more independent for sure. I have become more confident in my abilitity to handle finances. This was something I knew nothing about, but now feel confident to handle. I also have become used to having things my own way. How that will work when Ron comes home remains to be seen. If I don't feel like dinner, I don't make it. If I want to leave clothes out instead of hanging them up, I can do that. I think there will be a lot of compromise necessary on both sides. I only see Ron at visitation once a week, so it is hard to gauge how he has really changed. I know for sure he is less impulsive and finds it easier wait. He was always someone that needed answers "now" and he has learned patience. We'll see how this all comes together when we are finally together. We have never had a stormy relationship, so I think this will just be another adjustment. We will both have to compromise. I said as I left him on Friday after he asked me if he thought he was back to his old self. I said, "Yes, but with a few improvements. You can't go through all this and not learn something."

Did I tell you that Taft is finally getting a coffee machine in the visiting room? Just in time for me to never get to try it out. They've been talking about a coffee machine for 18 months, and just a few weeks ago they put in a plumbing line. I thought you just plugged in a coffee machine. I don't know what they're actually getting, but I have 13 more visits to Taft, and my guess is the coffee machine will not be up and running by the time I stop visiting. That is just how slow things move!

I think about how it will be for Ron leaving Taft after 18 months of not receiving a phone call, not driving a car, not going to a restaurant, not dealing with strangers in everyday life, not seeing friends and family on a regular basis, not wearing street clothes, not using the internet, and basically not making any decisions. Life will definitely take some getting used to. I just can't imagine what it's like for men who have been incarcerated for years. A pre release class cannot properly prepare them for the real world. I think of my friend Carole and her husband Michael who will hopefully be released next year after more than 24 years in prison. He was in his early 20's when he entered prison. How will he react to the outside world? I know Carole and Michael have spent a lot of time thinking about this. I hope that things go well for them.

I often think of that old phrase that goes something like this: "I felt sorry for the man with no shoes until I saw the man with no feet." Every time I start to get down, this saying pops into my head. I think how difficult reentry will be for Ron, then I think about Michael and all the others who have so much more to deal with. We will get through the next stage, just as we have all the other stages of this process, with a positive attitude, and a little help from our friends (and family).