My Personal Journal

Ron has now been home for 23 months. Wow. On the one hand time has gone very quickly and it's sometimes hard to remember driving every Thursday afternoon to my mom's house in LA, overnighting with her, then driving to Taft at 6:30am on Friday morning. I would visit with Ron until about 2pm, then drive back to my mom's and depending on how I felt, either drive home after dinner on Friday (usually) or stay and go home Saturday morning. I did that for 78 of the 80 weeks Ron was at Taft. The two times I missed were once when I was on a cruise with my mom, and another when they had the 405 closed because of construction. When I think back on that time, it seems like a long time ago, and I wonder how I did that every week. One the other hand, Ron's incarceration seems like it was just yesterday. I got a call last week from a man Ron had met at Taft and become very friendly with. Unfortunately Ron is not allowed to talk to anyone he knew at Taft while he is on probation, but that doesn't prevent me from talking to someone. I spoke to this man for a long time, and it refreshed my memory on what Taft was like, and made it seem like the experience was just yesterday. I was able to ask him about other inmates that Ron had known and wondered about. The rule is that while you are on probation you cannot talk or spend time with any known felon, and especially not with anyone you knew in prison. Their thinking is that they do not want you coercing with anyone you knew "inside." That is a rule that Ron would not break for anything, as it could land him right back in prison. Many inmates feel that the men they meet "inside" will become lifelong friends. This is rarely the case. Even men who make plans to get together after prison, go into business together after prison, or just become social friends, rarely do. The friends made in prison are "prison friends." They fulfill a very needed void for the period of incarceration, but when they get home, most men want to move on. Evidence of this is the fact that Ron cannot remember the names of many of the men he was closest to, including the roomie that taught him the ropes and protected him. Funny, how the mind works. Ron, who never forgets anything, couldn't remember his roomie's name. What does that tell you? After my phone conversation with an ex inmate from Taft last week, memories came racing back to Ron. He was doing so well in putting the past behind him, yet a call like I got last week from an old friend, brings so much pain back. Specifically, Ron started to reminisce about the time at Taft with his friends, their conversations, and their discussions about certain inmates and their character or lack thereof. One thing Ron's friend told me was that the judgments Ron made on two of their Taft "friends" was right on. With so much time to think and talk, the men at Taft all make judgments about each other. Over time Ron will tell me everything that happened at Taft, but for now, things come out sporadically. The other day Ron told me how depressed he would get at Taft, and how there were mornings when he didn't want to wake up. I did not know that before, but I'm so glad he shared that. What he loves now is knowing I'm there in the morning. It reassures him that he's not still at Taft. Some mornings since Ron's home, I would leave the house early, trying hard to sneak out as to not wake him up. Ron said, "Please say goodbye to me before you leave in the morning." I said I would. The reason he wanted me to say goodbye was that I was never there in the morning when he was at Taft, and my saying goodbye in the morning now assures him he is home, and not still at Taft. So, now, before I leave for the gym, I say, "Good bye, honey." Ron loves hearing that.

My Personal Journal

On October 8 it will be one year since Ron began his three years of probation.  He was released from Taft on July 27, but spent close to six weeks in a half way house in San Diego, before officially starting probation.  One year down, two to go.  Actually, when we think about it, the time has gone quickly.  It takes a while for a probation officer to "trust."  Most of the people probation deals with are likely to reoffend.  Even with someone like Ron, it takes time to build trust.  I would say Ron has earned that trust, and on the other hand, his probation officer has earned his respect, as she has always treated him fairly. 

Still, when Friday evening rolls around Ron will say, "Well, I made it through another week."  What he means by that is that he hasn't had a phone call or a visit from his probation officer.  Although he knows he is doing everything right, there is still that bit of anxiety, especially on Fridays (her visiting day), that keep him on edge. 

One of the most difficult aspects of probation is the inability to travel.  Even traveling up to Newport Beach for a few hours is not allowed without prior permission.  I'm not sure why this is so, but it's just one of those things we have to accept and follow.  Ron has recently had a few business meetings that have been out of San Diego County, so he had to apply for permission several weeks in advance.  Just a pain in the neck, but the travel has always been approved.  We also go to Los Angeles on occasion to visit my mom.  That's the only travel we do.  As much as we'd like to go to Colorado to see the kids and grandkids, that will have to wait until the end of probation. 

We're starting year two with optimism.  Ron is working hard at the many different jobs he has, and hopes that something good will develop during year two.  Right now he continues to work for an air conditioning company, umpire baseball, and do some accounting.  I continue to book some travel, write my blog, and look for some writing jobs that actually pay something.  Very hard to find.  It's amazing how we've been able to adjust our way of life, cut back in so many areas, yet still thoroughly enjoy each day.  Over the past ten years I have learned that it's not material wealth and possessions that lead to a happy life, but learning to be happy with yourself that leads to true happiness.  Many of the "things" I used to have may be gone, but years of memories, and the love of a good man cannot be taken from me.