Seventy Fifth Visit to Taft

Our Friday visit was special, as always. I found Ron to be tired of it all, and having a hard time getting through the last few weeks. I think, however, he has started a new tradition at Taft anyway. When he got down to 50 days left, he started thinking of his favorite baseball, basketball or football players who wore the number corresponding to the number of days left. It's fun for him to think of his favorite players who wore number 38,for example, and then be that person for the day when he calls me. I always look forward to seeing who's next. I can't wait until I hear him say Babe Ruth, Lou Gerig or Warren Moon.

He looks good. I look at him though, and think he has a lot to tell me. He does, but he won't start talking until he gets home, and even then, I think I'll get the story in bits and pieces. What he says is that there are no words to really make one understand the experience he's been through. He will tell all he wants to tell, in his own time.

I decided to do the math again and figure out what the true cost of incarceration has been. This is just an estimate. I included the cost of gas, the purchase of food from the vending machines at Taft, Ron's loss of Social Security and the additional payment of Medicare which I had to pay quarterly. I did not include Ron's loss of wages, which is undertermined. Total cost of his incarceration has been $36,500+. As I said, this does not include lost wages. This has forced me to budget and save in ways I didn't think I could. It's amazing what you can do if you have to. Hopefully by the end of the year our life will be back on an even keel and the worries of the past few years will be behind us. Ron is excited to get back to work.

I told Ron that I am trying to keep very busy these next few weeks, as I'm finding it harder and harder to sleep at night. I wake up at 2am, thinking. Counting is what I seem to do most. How many more Fridays, how many more times will I have to pay the monthly bills, how many more Thursday night dinners with my mom, always counting, counting. I hate it. I don't seem to be thinking about us as a couple, but more about Ron being home. One thing that I missed desperately when he was first gone was the knowledge that he was in the other room, even if we weren't together. Of course the fact that I lost Barney, my beloved dog, at the same time, did not help matters. But over time, and I'd say after about 6 months, I became accustomed to being alone, and can honestly say that I enjoy the peace and quiet of my home. I rarely turn on the radio or TV. I have learned to enjoy myself more than I ever thought I could.

Ron spends alot of time on his bunk. It's pretty hot at Taft right now, and the hours of outside exercise are limited. The management is afraid of people getting Valley Fever, an illness that is common in the central valley and one that they do everything to avoid. So after his horticulture class and garden work, Ron will lie in his bunk, listen to his radio (he loves Dr. Drew) and think about our future. That's ok. Whatever it takes to get through this is all right with me. We both are handling these last few weeks differently. Very soon I will get a call from Warren Moon (number 1) and know that we'll be dining at Denny's together, the next day.