Twenty Sixth Visit to Taft

I have been driving up to Taft for the past few weeks with the wife of a prisoner who has been incarcerated for 24 years. I have learned much from her about patience, understanding, acceptance and commitment. I think about the beautiful marriage she and her husband have, even though they've never lived together, and marvel at how they have done it. Her courage and commitment gives me strength to work on continuing to strengthen the bond between myself and Ron.

Each week when we visit there is a laundry list of topics and people to discuss. Children, grandchildren, mom and friends (old and new) are always up for discussion. We also talk alot about the two of us. How will our lives be different when Ron comes home? I, having never been alone before in my adult life, have certainly changed. Will I find his return to the house an intrusion? I don't think so. I do enjoy the quiet right now, but am anxiously looking forward to the day I hear him tapping away on the computer, or listening to a ball game. He too, will have changed. He has become more self sufficient during incarceration. He does his own laundry, cooks many meals for himself (sort of) and has learned to spend time alone. How the two of us will blend together remains to be seen. I do know that whatever it takes, we will work to make it successful.

I sometimes forget how important visitation is to Ron. I go about my daily life, talk to my friends and family daily, play bridge, golf, exercise and go out to eat. Ron's life is restrictive and routine, and Friday is the most important day of the week to him. His week starts on Saturday and ends on Friday with visiting day. I specifically try to stay totally engaged with him during the several hours we spend together. By this I mean I'm looking at him, holding his hand, even hugging him when I can. I want to really be present when we are together. Many people visit loved ones and spend the time eating, checking out who's in the room, or playing cards or scrabble. There's nothing wrong with any of these things, but I want be right there, in the moment, with him.

In meditation we talk about being in the moment. The moments I spend with Ron will never come again and we need to savor ever one. Last week there was a terrible tragedy by one inmate's family. A wife and daughter, along with other family members, were coming to Taft to visit the husband. There were six people in the car, two of them were not wearing seabelts. The driver lost control of the car, went into a ditch and rolled over, ejecting the two people who were unrestrained. One of them was killed and the other is in critical condition. The others were all hurt but pulled from the burning car by good samaritans. The wife was killed and the daughter is in critical condition. It got me thinking about being in the moment, enjoying to the fullest our time together. We never really know what tomorrow may bring.