The Good, The Bad And The Ugly Of One Year Alone

 It's been one year since my wonderful husband Ron, passed away.  I thought I'd take this opportunity to say a few words.  It's been one hell of a year, for me, and most likely for all of you.  Suddenly finding myself single after more than 50 years of marriage made it that much more difficult.

First the good.  Yes, there was some good.  Ron's death in June from a rapid cancer saved him, and me, from going through the last few years of ALS, which would have been difficult for both of us.  I am thankful that he didn't have to suffer from a slow, progressive death.  

Also good is that I don't have to cook, clean or do anything I don't want to do.  I love cooking exactly what I want now, and not having to worry about meals or laundry for anyone else.  I have incorporated avocadoes, kale, quinoa, sweet potatoes, salmon and much more into my diet.  These were things that I liked, but  Ron didn't.  I love having David, Phil and Brian constantly  remind me of a favorite saying of Ron's, or having them ask me what Dad would have done in a certain situation.  That keeps him alive for me.

Now for the bad.  I miss him terribly, but have found old and new friends to keep me busy, and have had lots of time to spend with my mom, which I couldn't do before. Oh, how I love spending time with her.  I realize how fortunate I am to have her here, and we make the most of our time together.  I play lots of golf, pickleball and bridge.  I do lots of jigsaw puzzles, take long walks, read lots of books,and do some cooking.  I miss having someone to discuss the events of the day with.  That was one of our favorite parts of the day. I also miss being able to share a funny story with Ron.  One of the things I do almost daily is reach for the phone to call him and share something with him.  It doesn't sound like that will pass anytime soon.

Finally, the ugly.  The ugly part is the 10 pounds I gained during this past year.  I could blame it on Ron's passing, but that wouldn't be entirely true.  Staying home during Covid-19 is partly to blame. So I'm a little bit heavier than I was last year, but I'm headed in the right direction.  I fill my days with activities I truly love.  Nothing will replace my special relationship with Ron.  I will keep him in my heart always, but try to find happiness in other ways.