Violence Against Women in Sweden

America is abuzz about the books by Stieg Larsson. The trilogy of books, beginning with "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" was completed only a few months before the death of the author in 2004. He was a journalist and worked for the magazine Expo, and tackled many controversial political and social issues. Now, all three books have been published in America (I've read the first two) and the first two have already been made into movies. (I saw the first movie). The common theme running through all the books is violence against women, and in the case of these books, women that were helpless to fight back. The books are compelling, and got me thinking, "Does Sweden really have a problem with violence against women"? After all they're the first country you think of regarding gender equality, but the dirty little secret is YES, they do have a problem and it just being revealed.

Sweden is the country that first comes to mind when we think of women's rights and gender equality. Sweden ranks at the top in the number of women who hold public office, serve as cabinet ministers, graduate from university and hold jobs. Mothers are granted long periods of maternity leave, and they send their children to excellent day-care centers.

But there is one signifcant blot on the record of women's empowerment here: domestic violence, a crime that until recently remained muffled in shame. Swedish men are not any more violent toward women in Sweden than the men of most other Western European countries. It has simply been easier for them to get away with violence against wives and girlfriends, experts and politicians said, and harder for women to get the help they need. Attitudes about wife-beating have been slow to change.

In an unforseen twist, Sweden's well-guarded sense of privacy and its leadership on women's rights served for many years to mute, rather than elevate the issue into the public sphere.

The cat is out of the bag. A recent statistical study called Captured Queen, by Eva Lundgren has exposed their secret and forced them to take action. The study sent out a questionnaire to 10,000 people (remember Sweden is a small country). Many of the questions were extremely personal, yet they received responses from 70%, a very high number.

Here, in simple terms are the results. 46% of the women had been subjected to violence by a man since her 15th birthday. 56% of all women were sexually harassed, regardless of age. 25% of the women had experienced physical violence since their 15th birthday. Income, country of origin or type of employment did not seem to make any difference. The biggest factor was marriage status. 67% of divorced women had been abused either by a former spouse or boyfriend. 50% of women who were cohabitating with a man had been abused, but only 11% of married women had faced domestic violence. I found these numbers shocking. As progressive as Sweden is in the area of women's rights, they are in the dark ages regarding violence against women.

A stinging Amnesty International report and startling admissions by well known victims, both of which were deeply embarrassing to the country, sparked a national reckoning. What they need to change is attitudes. Sweden already has legislation in place, but attitudes are more difficult to change. A former television journalist recently acknowledged that her husband had abused her for a decade. This is the biggest human rights issue of their time, and they are definitely dealing with it.

Help for battered women is in it's infancy in Sweden. Women's Shelters and safe houses have just recently been expanded. But more and more women are coming forward with their stories. The journalist I referred to was fired by the network over fear of a law suit. She had been told the topic was off limits. Sweden is a progressive country and I am opimistic they will deal with the problem. In the meantime, people throughout the world need to speak out on issues of domestic violence, journalists and writers need to address these issues, as difficult as they are. Thanks to Stieg Larsson for presenting the topic in a way that got my attention.

Twenty Ninth Visit to Taft

Two weeks ago I talked about time, and how keeping myself busy helps time pass more quickly. Unfortunately for Ron, his activites are limited by his confinement and the heat, and time does not move quite so rapidly for him. I will give you an idea of his daily routine during the summer months. These activities all depend on how hot it is. If the temperature gets to 100 degrees, all outside activity ceases. Those in charge don't want anyone getting heat stroke, so everyone goes inside.
This summer has been cool so far, and the inmates are hoping the next few months will not be typical. (it's usually over 100 degrees in August and September)

A typical day begins at 5:30am, wake up, dress and get ready for breakfast. 6:00am, breakfast. Ron is on the Kosher plan, so he gets 1/2 grapefruit, cold cereal with milk, 2 slices of whole wheat bread or toast. After breakfast, Ron usually does one or two laps around the track, then it's back to bed for an hour. 8:00am, either work or class. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday Ron has his Toastmaster group or his horticulture classs. The rest of the mornings he works in the garden. At 10:30am the inmates come in and have count (mandatory several times a day). 11am is lunchtime, which consists of vegetables, apple, portion of protein (maybe peanut butter) and 2 slices of bread. At 1pm Taft has a 15 minute Torah reading, which Ron has started to attend. He likes the feeling of community that he gets from participating in this event. From noon-3pm Ron works in the garden. At 3:30pm, it's mail call. That's one of the highlights of the day. Everyone is always hoping to receive a card, letter or package. At 5pm dinner is served, which is similar to lunch. After dinner Ron does a few more laps around the track. After dinner Ron watches a little TV and goes to bed at 9pm. There's a little time during the day for reading, playing cribbage or gin, or just talking. That's about the extent of the day. The only variety is Friday night when they have religious services.

Whenever there is a new newsletter published or information about policies or procedures, everyone goes to the library and the camp is buzzing with information and misinformation. Just like any other large group, there are rumors all the time. Actually, rumors add a little excitement to the daily routine and that gives them all something to talk about, even if it's not true.

As you can see, the schedule is very routine, and if it's too hot, everyone has to come inside. Sleep is the other way that many inmates pass the summer months. If they're not readers or talkers, they probably spend their free time sleeping.

So Ron is counting the days. 300 days is the maximum number of days left and if he gets lucky it could be less. Sounds like a lot, but it will be over before we know it. My jelly bean jar is getting lower each week.

Cuyamaca Water Conservation Garden

A great find in the San Diego area for garden lovers and conservationists is Cuyamaca College. Their water conservation program is meant to promote water conservation in the Southern California landscape. It does that and much more.

I recently spent an enjoyable morning with friends touring Cuyamaca's garden. Our docent Maggie was knowledgable, and what she didn't know, she found out. Cuyamaca College is in El Cajon, truly a desert landscape, so it's an appropriate location for a garden meant to teach us about water conservation. The garden has many educational activities for the public. They have a training program in water conservation for professional landscapers, adult tours, children's tours, and 4-6 classes per month for the public. In addition, they have wonderful plant sales with great prices, and special events. Check out their website at www.thegarden.org for more details.

The Cuyamaca garden demonstrates how to turn a water guzzling backyard into a drought tolerant landscape. It's challenging, but so important. The garden also teaches visitors about composting and vegetable gardening. I especially enjoyed the picnic area available to visitors. Bring a picnic lunch and they provide several beautiful areas to enjoy the lovely surroundings. Next time I visit I will bring a picnic lunch.

Our group, however, had planned to have lunch at Gio's a wonderful restaurant in La Mesa, that I reviewed several months ago. We were not disappointed. It was a beautiufl sunny day, so we sat on their expansive patio, enjoying salmon salad, santa fe salad, steak salad, turkey wraps, caprese salad and burgers. Everything was delicious. This is a great outing for a change, but wait until the weather turns cooler. It's inland, and the summer can be scorching.

Be A S.L.O.B.

I recently heard about a movement that promotes exactly what I believe in. If I owned a business in San Diego, I would become a S.L.O.B. Since I don't own a business, I will do my best to support S.L.O.B. businesses.

What am I talking about? The acronym SLOB stands for Support Locally Owned Businesses. I believe that small, local business is what America is all about. I believe it is the entrepreneureal spirit that has made our country what it is. So here's a little more information on the SLOB movement.

SLOB is the brainchild of Joe Grant, owner of Grant's Marketplace in the South Park neighborhood of San Diego. He's a longtime advocate for preserving neighborhoods and the unique quality that locally owned, personality-driven businesses bring to communities. Joe saw a need in the locally-owned business community for a place where like-minded entrepreneurs can both see and be seen, share ideas, and promote their businesses. His goal is to promote and support locally owned and operated businesses. I'm all for that.

The businesses that he has brought to the organization so far are all local and varied. Everything from Automotive shops to Restaurants, Markets and Beauty spas have become part of SLOB. Next time you go to local market or beauty spa, ask them if they're a member of SLOB. My guess is that they will NOT have heard of the organization, but the question and your answer might at least get them interested.

Some local establishments that you might want to try to frequent are The Big Kitchen, Hamilton's Tavern, The Station Tavern, Grant's Marketplace (founder Joe Grant's business) Halycon Tea, Olive Tree Marketplace and Sara Elizabeth Skin Care. They're all members of SLOB. Check their website for more information on the movement and more busiesses that belong. Go to www.imaslob.org.

If I were a businesswoman, I'd like being a SLOB, at least this kind of slob. One that promotes the feeling of community, helps improve the quality of services to the community, and one who gives every patron who comes to the business a personal experience. That's the way to do business. Burger King and Wal Mart need not apply to beome SLOBs.

Spiced Loquats

While walking through the Farmers Market a few weeks ago, I notice loquats were everywhere. I see loquat trees everywhere I go, and many of you probably have them in your back yard. Most of us do nothing with them. The birds and squirrels enjoy them instead. Well, one of the stands I stopped at had a recipe for Spiced Loquats. I think you would use this as spread for crackers or bread, or like chutney, on chicken or fish. I think it's a great way to use something that usually just rots on the ground. If you've got some in your backyard or have a neighbor with a tree, this recipe might be for you.

Spiced Loquats

3 pounds firm loquats, stems and blossom ends removed (do not peel skin)
3 cups sugar
1 1/2 cups water
1 1/2 cider vinegar
1 T. whole cloves
1 T. whole allspice
2-inch stick of cinnamon

Combine sugar, water and cider vinegar in a large pot. Tie the spices loosely in cheesecloth and add. Boil 10 minutes. Put in fruit and cook gently until tender. Remove the fruit and place in the jar, pour remaining syrup into the sterilized jars. Fill almost to overflowing with hot syrup and seal at once. Makes three, 1-pint jars. Let me know if you find an interesting way to use spiced loquats.

Eating Like a Skinny Person

Most Monday mornings I go to Solana Beach to meet with a group of weight conscious friends. We've been meeting regularly for over three years. Originally we had our own Weight Watchers group, with an official leader and lectures, but after 12 weeks, many in our group dropped out and we did not have enough participation to keep Weight Watchers on board. So we started our own weight management group. We've been meeting Monday mornings ever since. Have we lost weight? Well, some of us have, but more importantly, most of the group has at least maintained their weight. Each week someone brings information for the group meant to inform or instill things we already know about weight loss. There's no one in the group that isn't a professional dieter. Atkins, Slim Fast, Jennie Craig, Weight Watchers, fasting, we've done it all. It's hard to find anything new to say about dieting, but I found an article this week that opened my eyes.

The article was called "Eating like a skinny person." This article talked about how skinny people deal with food and how they eat. If you know how skinny people eat, all you have to do is COPY what they do. Very simple. There were a few important concepts in the skinny story.

First, skinny people do not eat until they are stuffed. They eat until they are satisfied. Measure your fullness half way through your meal on a scale of 1-10, then again when your have about 1/4 of the meal left. If you are satisfied, stop eating. We don't have to be members of the clean plate club. Rating how full I feel will definitely keep me from overeating.

Eating when you're hungry is NOT an emergency. It's ok to feel a little hungry, you will get something to eat soon. Skinny people have no problem delaying eating, wheras heavy people feel they must eat right away. It reminds me of my old dog Barney. When he first came to me he'd been living in a shelter with other dogs and had to fight for his food. So when he came to my house he devoured his food in no time flat, thinking someone might take it from him. After a while he realized that the food was his, no one would take it, and he could postpone eating if he wasn't really hungry. We need to realize that we don't have to eat the minute we're hungry. We can delay eating for awhile and it will still be there.

Fruit. Skinny people eat more fruit than non skinny people. Not juice, but fruit in its original form. So try to incorporate fruit into each meal. Maybe its blueberries on your cereal, sliced pear on your turkey sandwich, or a baked apple for dessert. I just came back from a cruise where half the clientelle was Asian American. The most obvious thing I noticed about their eating habits? Most of them piled high the fruit on their breakfast plate. It was so apparent that they ate differently than the rest of us. Yes, they were all thin.

These are just a few of the many ideas suggested in the article. The bottom line is to watch skinny people eat, and copy them. Easier said than done, but at least I'm going to be measuring my level of fullness. That should help.

Twenty Eighth Visit to Taft

I just got home from Taft, exhausted, and swore I would wait until tomorrow to write about my visit, but here I am at the computer. I drove 350 miles today, spent 5 1/2 hours visiting with Ron, then spent 3 hours visiting my 7 week old twin grandsons, dinner with my mom, and home. I had a very full day.

About 10 days ago Ron called, very upset. One of his friends had a heart attack and was rushed to Bakersfield Hospital. What usually happens in such cases is that because of poor health, that person gets transferred out of Taft and into a medical facility. The inmates at Taft are never told of his whereabouts or his condition. Fortunately in this case the man was returned to Taft and is awaiting a stent, probably this week. This particular event had a happy ending, but often the inmate is never heard from again. It must be extremely hard to make friends and then poof, they're gone. I know how close these guys get. They are family to each other, and then the relationship is over, either because of transfer or release. Inmates cannot see or contact each other after release, except with special permission.

So all the relationships that they rely so heavily on are just temporary. It's a little like camp or a bus tour on which you meet lots of people, become fast friends, and then it's over. Ron has had many strong male friendships throughout his life and fortunately he has met some wonderful men at Taft. He gets very close to people very fast, and I know that when he leaves next year, leaving them will be very emotional.

The temporary nature of relationships at Taft goes along with the temporary nature of just about everything else there. Just when you get to know the guards, they change. Just when you've settled in to your bunk and feel comfortable with your bunkies, they move you. The warden, assistant warden and Ron's counselor have also changed since he's been there.

The best thing about the temporary nature of things at Taft is that Ron's time at Taft is also temporary. Ron and I have been together for over 41 years. That's more than 14,965 days. He will be at Taft around 525 days. Even though it doesn't seem so now, that's a little blip on the screen in the grand scheme of things. I've always talked about our life together as a roller coaster. It's temporarily on pause but will soon be up and running.

Every emotion and situation in life is temporary. Being happy, sad, rich or poor, things are always in flux. This is one of the wonders of life, it's ups and downs. It doesn't always feel good when your mood or situation is not what you want, but hey, that's life. One thing you can be sure of and that is that next week or next month or next year things will be different. I just try to enjoy each day to the fullest.