It's Been One Year

Today is January 11, 2011, exactly one year since my life changed forever. It was one year ago that I drove Ron to Taft, dropped him off and watched him walk through the double doors to start his new life, while I drove the 220 miles home to start my life without him. I remember clearly the empty feeling I had as I headed mindlessly down Copus Road on the way to I-5. I had a tape on and I couldn't tell you what was on if my life depended on it.

All the planning in the world doesn't prepare one for the emotional changes life has in store. Up until last year, I lived alone for about 3 months in my entire life. (that was between marriage #1 and the time I met Ron). I am used to having someone around all the time. In addition, I usually have had one or two dogs at all times. Wow. How different life is without someone to talk to, share ideas with, eat and sleep with, and without a dog who's always there when you come home and will cheer you up, regardless of your mood. Barney, my companion for 18 years, was euthanized two days after Ron was incarcerated. It was like a one-two punch.

But I survived. Ron survived. In fact, I can even say we have both thrived. He has gotten his health in check and has spent a very introspective year going through his entire life and reviewing the circumstances that led to his incarceration. He has learned much about himself, about other people, about life. I too have thrived. I have learned to negotiate leases, pay bills, handle finances and enjoy a full life by myself. According to my calculations, I have only about 140 more days of life as I now know it.

What will life be like when Ron returns? I hope it will be as fantastic as we both anticipate. I know it will be different than it was before, as we have both changed, we have both grown. My guess is that this experience will make our new life together even better. On the one year anniversary of Ron's incarceration I am reflecting on all that has happened this year. Barney died, twins Spencer and Ryan were born, David changed jobs, I took a trip with my Mom. All these events seem ages ago at times, and then I think about them and it seems like they happened just last week.

However good or bad a situation is, it will change. That is a given. I'm looking forward to a change in June, a change for the good.

Fifty First Trip to Taft

Friday morning's drive to Taft reminded me of how beautiful California is. I started in Los Angeles, with clear, beautiful sunlight. About 45 minutes later I was driving through the Tejon Pass, with a dusting of snow on the green hills and snow covering areas that had been recently burned. The tops of the mountains had just a smattering of the white stuff, much of it had already melted, and it looked like rivers of white falling down from the hills. After reaching the summit, around 4400 feet, I descended down the Grapevine. About 5 miles from the bottom I encountered Tule fog, my first experience with the thick, soupy fog that sometimes closes the highway. Luckily that was not the case today, although visibility was down to about 20 feet. California really does have it all.

Ron was a little nervous about my driving in these conditions, and so I got a call around 7:45am asking me where I was and when I would arrive. I'm sure he was waiting anxiously for me for the next hour. Since tomorrow will be Ron's one year anniversary at Taft, we had a lot to reminisce about. Where had the year gone? It was exactly one year ago most of our family was together at Fleming's in Woodland Hills eating a delicious prime rib dinner. The feast before the famine! Ron and I both remember it vividly. The best part of our Friday visit focused on the future, and the fact that we have 20 weeks to go. Yeah!

One thing Ron is looking forward to is redoing all the things we did together that he never really got a chance to enjoy because he had so much on his mind. This would include trips to Europe, especially the trips in the late 1990's when the pressure of his work consumed him. He reminded me of a trip we took to London with some friends in 1999. Every moment we weren't out sightseeing, he was on the phone or computer in the hotel room. He remembers a trip to Napa Valley and a balloon ride that he couldn't enjoy because he had so much on his mind. He remembers trips to art museums or concerts, where all he wanted was to have it end so he could get home and back to his work. That's no way to live. He knows that now, but it sure took a long time to learn.

Things have changed. When Ron was growing up his parents encouraged him to work hard and make a lot of money. Whether you like your work or not was secondary. So he grew up without learning about the balance between work and play. Luckily we did not pass that trait on to our kids. We taught our children that hard work is good, but you should work at something you love. You should also balance your life with family and hobbies, and not worship the almighty dollar. I think they have all learned that lesson.

So some of our post Taft time will be spent revisiting places and things we have seen in the past, but hopefully in a different light. The next time around Ron and I will stop and smell the roses. The business pressures of the past are gone. Learning to enjoy leisure time will be a new skill for Ron to learn, but one he is ready and willing to take on.

Back To Basics

The holiday season is over, we've all put on the obligatory 7 pounds, and it's time to get back to basics. That means different things to different people, but here's what it means to me.

1. Throw out all the candy, cake and cookies that are left over from the holidays, or give them to a thin friend or neighbor.

2. Clean out your refrigerator. Leftover gravy, stuffing, cranberries, high calorie cheeses, dips, etc. have got to go.

3. Make a trip to Henry's, Jimbo's, Whole Foods, any local supermarket or your farmers market and stock up on fruits and veggies, including sweet potatoes, yams, red potatoes, and unusual veggies to include in soups and salads.

4. Go home and make a pot of delicious vegetable soup. I use canned chicken broth as a base, then add my veggies. I always put in 2 red potatoes cut up, to give the soup a little more bulk. I usually include onions, carrots, zucchini, chopped up kale (or spinach), celery, potatoes and anything else you have on hand. I usually make a big pot, freeze half of it, keep the rest to eat for the following week.

5. Cook a few sweet potatoes or yams. I try to find the 6oz size potatoes, but if you can't, buy the bigger ones and just eat half for a serving, save the rest for later.

6. Try NOT to eat out for the next few weeks. It will make losing weight so much easier.

7. Delicious lunches include vegetable soup and a low calorie sandwich, vegetable soup and a 6oz yam, or vegetable soup with cottage cheese and fruit. I love these lunches and they keep me satisfied until dinner.

It took me 65 years to figure out how to keep my weight in check. I'm a slow learner, but I thought since I think I've figured it out, I would share my tips with you. One thing I finally understand is that I can eat anything I want. I just can't eat as much as I used to. I can have the cheesecake, but usually a few bites will satisfy. I can have my son's Panna Cotta (which is out of this world), just not the whole thing. I keep these things out of the house and only eat them at parties or restaurants, or else I have to go out specifically to buy them. It's amazing how a craving can pass if you can't satisfy it right away.

Finally, and this is perhaps the most important thing. I eat only when I'm hungry. I'm not always hungry for lunch at noon or dinner at 6pm. Often I will eat lunch at 11am if I happen to be hungry. I sometimes eat dinner at 4:30pm (I am getting old!) because that's when I'm hungry. If I get hungry later at night I always have my fudgesicles, juice bars, popcorn or apples.

Try some of my tips and see if they work for you. You'll have the 7 pounds off in no time, you'll feel great, you will have cleaned your cupboards of unnecessary junk, and maybe even tasted some new fruits and veggies along the way. Good luck.

Breathe Deeply and Appreciate the Moment

This is a quote from a Lululemon shopping bag that I just brought home. I like to support companies that I believe in, and Lululemon is one of those. This is NOT a company whose only goal is the bottom line. Yes, they're a public company and their goal is to make profits and increase the price of their stock, but they are going about it in a kinder, gentler way. Let me explain.

First of all, they sell the highest quality athletic wear out there. Expensive, yes, but worth it, yes. The fit is amazing and the feel is also amazing. I've been reluctant to spend $75 for a pair of yoga pants, but my yoga buddy Barbara put it in perspective. I've been coming to Lululemon regularly for 2 years, every Saturday morning, for a free yoga class. Normally I would pay $10-15 for a yoga class, but with Lululemon's committment to community involvement, I've been taking free yoga every week for 2 years. With all the money I've saved, I can afford to buy their expensive pants. In fact, I just bought 2 pair of pants.

Lululemon's committment to community is a model for other companies to emulate. Not only do they offer free yoga, but they also have free pilates, zumba and barre classes. For those involved in trialathon or marathon training, they have running groups with trainers to help set goals. It's fabulous!

Charitable giving is important to Lululemoon, with each store having the ability to choose charities from their particular community. They're just as likely to give to a little local women's shelter as they are to give to the Salvation Army.

Education is very important to Lululemon. Not only education of their employees, but educating the public in the importance of living a healthy lifestyle. Something important at Lululemon is goalsetting. Employees are encouraged to set short term and long term goals, somethng we all should be doing. They even have a goaltender website to help you along.

www.lululemon.com is the website to check out the company, it's mission, and how it is fulfilling that mission. I love their website. Click on the blog section of the website to learn more about yoga, their international ambassadors, or answers to questions you may have about health and fitness. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that all their products are made in Canada. Lululemon is a Canadian compnay, and everything is made at their plant in Vancouver. Better if they made the clothes in America, but at least it's not China. The workers producing their clothing are making a living wage, and that feels good to me, even if I have to spend more to get it. Everything is a trade off. I'm willing to pay a little extra to get a great product that is made by workers that are paid fairly for their work.

Grandma Ruby's Fresh Cranberry Pie

I don't know who grandma Ruby is, but she sure created a delicious, seasonal dessert. I was at the Y in a weight class in November, when one of the students shouts out, "Does anyone want a recipe for a fantastic cranberry pie?" I had never had anyone hand out recipes in an exercise class before, so I figured this must be pretty good. I took a copy of the recipe, and the next day was invited to Fran and Jim's for dinner, and brought this pie. Fran liked it so much she ate the leftovers for breakfast the rest of the week. And it's so easy. The pie is assembled in about 5 minutes! Can't beat that. I think you could make it as a cobbler too. I haven't done it, but instead of putting it in a pie shell,place it in a pyrex dish and cover with a crumble topping.

Grandma Ruby's Fresh Cranberry Pie

1 unbaked deep dish pie shell (I used a frozen pie shell)
1 to 1 1/2 packages fresh or frozen whole cranberries (fresh is best)
1 1/2 cups sugar (divided use)
3/4 cups toasted walnuts (buy the walnut pieces, not the halves)
2 eggs
1 cup flour
1/2 cup melted butter
1/4 cup melted shortening (I use earth balance vegan shortening...crisco is fine)
zest from one orange (this was not in the original recipe but I thought was a nice addition)

Spread cranberries in bottom of pie shell. Sprinkle with 1/2 cup sugar and nuts, which have been lightly toasted. In a bowl, beat eggs well, adding the remaining 1 coup sugar gradually. Add flour, melted butter and shortening. Beat well and pour batter over cranberries. Be sure batter is below top of crust , or it will rise up and you will have a mess in your oven. I used only 1 package of cranberries.

Bake the pie in a preheated 325 degree oven for 1 hour, or until top is golden brown.

If you prefer a cobbler, put the ingredients in a pyrex pan and sprinkle with a cobbler topping, then bake as directed. A cobbler topping is a mixture of uncooked oats, butter cut in little pieces, a little flour, and brown sugar. Sprinkle mixture on top and cook as directed.

Cleaning Up For the New Year

I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions. Maybe that's because I knew I could never stick to them and I would look at that as a failure. This year is really no different. I have not made any firm resolutions, but I have resolved to start the year with finances in order and the kitchen in order. So Sunday, January 2, 2011 was spent making sure these two things happen.

For the first time in my married life I have been in charge of paying bills, budgeting and record keeping. For all of you who've been doing it for years it's old hat, but for me there was lots to learn. I have to say I've done a pretty good job, with just one little goof all year. I think that's pretty good. So now it's the end of the year and I am filing all my stuff from 2010 away and starting new files for bills, medical, etc. I'm getting pretty good at it, but the job will still go to Ron when he returns. That's one of the perks of being married to an accountant.

The rest of Sunday was spent removing all food from my kitchen that shouldn't have been there in the first place. Gingerbread, muffins, holiday cookies and candy are all gone. I have a hard time throwing things out. My mother taught me that was wasteful, but if I keep it around it will only go to my waist! I went to Henry's and bought a shopping cart full of fruits and vegetables and came home and spent the afternoon cooking. I made a delicious butternut squash soup, vegetable soup and marinara sauce. I have a few weeks worth of delicious, healthy meals that will help keep me on track.

I didn't make a resolution to lose X number of pounds this year, but I did resolve to eat healthy. That is something I can successfully do, and at the same time lose weight.

So the cupboards are bare, the files are empty and I'm ready for 2011. It's going to be a great year. Happy New Year to all.

Fiftieth Visit to Taft

It's January 1, and yesterday was my last visit to Taft for 2010. Ron has approximately 150 days left to serve and lots of markers that will help the time go fast. We were talking yesterday and Ron mentioned that he just opened a new tube of toothpaste, the last one he will use at Taft. Funny, but just a few days ago I also opened a new tube of toothpaste, and thought to myself that when it was used up Ron would be home. It's so interesting how we both have our own ways of counting the remaining time, some the same, some different. Ron can tell you how many minutes, days, weeks and months. I can only tell you the number of weeks and months. Ron can tell you how many days left from my bithday in February, our anniversary in March and Philip's birthday in April. He can tell you that when he uses up his current batch of vitamins, he will be home. I can tell you that he'll be home when my jelly bean jar is empty. That's my measure, as I see it dwindlng every day.

What has Ron learned from this experience? He feels that the ability to be PATIENT is what he has finally gotten a grip on. Ron's a type A personality, always in motion, always wanting answers "Now," always wanting immediate results. Well, when you're in prison you learn to slow down. Time takes on a different meaning. There is no rush for anything, because there's no where to go. I may rush to finish a book to return to the library. He has no time constraints. He can read all day or not at all. When waiting in line for meals there is also no rush. The food's going to be there when he gets there and he has no place important to go. I remember going to restaurants with Ron in the past and if there was more than a 5 minute wait, Ron had a hard time waiting. It will be interesting so see if his new found patience will transfer to his life when he gets home. I think it will. He remembers and quotes often, some lines from a Seinfeld show, where Jerry wonders why everyone is always in such a hurry to get home. You're at a party and you've got to get home. For what? To get to sleep and get ready for the next day? You're at a movie and you're in a rush to get home. Why? What's the difference if you get home at 10:00 or 10:30? We're always in such a rush to get home, and for what? It was a funny bit when Jerry Seinfeld did it, and something we both think of often. The prison experience has given new meaning to this Seinfeld bit.

Last week Ron was sick for the first time since he's been at Taft. He had the flu shot, he takes vitamins, lots of Vitamin C and calcium, yet he still got sick. Luckily he's got friends there that took care of him. One brought him soup, another made him dinner. The person in charge of mail was nice enough to bring his mail to his cube, as he was sleeping in bed. People are kind. Ron has also learned that if you're kind and respectful to others, both inmates and Taft staff, you will also be treated with kindness and respect. I'll talk more about that at another time. Ron is feeling much better now, just a lingering cough. Thanks to those that helped make him comfortable while he was fighting the flu. His frieds were there for him when he needed them.