Thirtieth Visit to Taft

I've learned alot from Ron over the past 41 years. He's one of the smartest men I've ever met, so I've learned from him because of his intellect, but also because of another, not always seen side to him. He has a sensitive side, an understanding side that you might not recognize at first. When Ron first began seeing a therapist around 2003 he was focused on a multitude of personal and financial disasters that were taking place in his life. He said something at that time that has stuck with me, and which I think of often. Someone asked him how he got through the day with all that he faced and he said, " I give myself 10 minutes every morning to feel sorry for myself. Then I get on with my day". I have not forgotten this, and whenever life is getting me down, I remember his words. Feeling sorry for yourself is not attractive. Everyone has problems. We never know what most people are going through, even our friends. I really don't have many days when I get down, but recalling what Ron said many years ago brings me out of it right away. As one of his friends used to say all the time, we have to do our emotional pushups.

This past week was an interesting and rewarding one for some of the men at Taft. Yeshiva students came to Taft for three day-long seminars for those that were interested. Ron learned a lot, got to bond with many of the inmates, and got a relief from the summer doledrums. It's a great service that the Aleph Institute offered and one that was greatly appreciated by the parcipants. I hope that they do it again. The Aleph Institute does fantastic work keeping religion alive for Jewish inmates around the country. Go to www.aleph-institute.org to read more about the great work they do.

Ron feels his incarceration has helped take our marriage to a new level. He says that when faced with a long separation as we are, both partners must be active participants, not passive recipients in the marriage. Often during a long marriage one partner becomes passive, a taker, and is not really putting his all into the relationship. This role can change many times over the course of a long marriage, but when the partners are faced with long term separation, each must be actively engaged to make it thrive.

I've told you before how I try to be totally present when we are together. This is a huge change for me, because in the past much of my time listening to Ron would be done as a passive listener. Not anymore, and I hope not ever again. It's the same for Ron. We have such little phone time and such little time together that we must both be present all the time.

I remember Ron always used to ask me the same question multiple times. He wasn't listening to my answer. That doesn't happen anymore with either of us, so I must conclude that this experience has taught us both to be better listeners and ultimately better spouses. I know that when he returns home our newfound active listening will continue.