Forty Fifth Visit to Taft

This was the first Thanksgiving I have not spent with Ron in 41 years. Most Thanksgivings have been a blend of friends and family, great food and lively conversation. This was a quiet year, just Mom, David and myself. David made the turkey (delish), gravy and dessert (panna cotta), mom contributed the sweet potatoes and asparagus, and I made the stuffing and cranberry relish. We had a great meal and talked about family that couldn't be with us for one reason or another. I thought about how grateful I am to have what I have, considering the condition of the world today. I have discovered that regardless of what's going on in your life, you don't have to look far to find someone with unbearable problems, and you didn't even know it!

Ron did not have a Thanksgiving dinner this year, as he is on the Kosher meal plan at Taft and they do not offer a traditional meal. The rest of the camp does receive a full Thanksgiving meal, but not the Kosher eaters. He really didn't miss it all that much. He spent the day watching football, calling me, and thinking about Friday when I would come to visit. He did want me to tell everyone how grateful he is for all he has. He says there are so many ups and downs emotionally in prison, yet he tries to maintain balance. This is hard, he told me, but each day he is that much closer to release and a life of normalcy.

One of his daily routines is a long shower after dinner, and time to think. Ron raves about the bathroom and shower facilities at Taft. They are private, and you can let the hot water run as long as you want. He spends this time every evening to count the amount of time he has left. It's a little mind game he plays with himself, and it keeps his math skills sharp. During every shower he figures out the months, weeks, days and hours he has left at Taft. Just another one of his many "routines."


Last week Ron wrote a letter to his friends and family which I sent to his network of friends. It was written the night before his 68th birthday, November 16, and I thought I would share a bit of it with you. He said that the last three birthdays have been some of the saddest days of his life, but that he hoped next year would be the start of some very happy birthdays. On November 17 (his actual birthday), 2008, my 93 year old father was buried. He was like a dad to Ron, and Ron loved and respected him more than you can imagine. On November 16 (the day before his birthday), 2009, Ron was sentenced in federal court to a 24 month sentence. Although he was not shocked after years maneuvering through the legal system, he was disappointed. This year Ron spent his birthday without his family for the first time in his life, and although his Taft family did their best to make it a festive day, it's still prison. Ron received lots of cards and letters on his birthday, and a group of friends bought Drumsticks and they had an ice cream party. Amazing how they find a way to celebrate events.

I feel our last few Thanksgivings have been very much the same as his birthdays, being they are so close together. Next year we will all be together, children and grandchildren too, for our first Thanksgiving with three new grandsons. It's something to look forward to. As for right now, I am thankful that I have a remarkable mother, three remarkable sons (and two daughters-in law) and three adorable grandsons. I don't know if they're remarkable yet, but they are adorable and perfect to me.

Friday was the busiest visiting day I have seen in the 10 months I've been coming to Taft. It was great to see so many men with visitors from far away. One of Ron's best friends had a visit from his sister and her husband from Chicago, another close friend of Ron's had his whole family visit from Indianapolis, several men had visitors from Phoenix and Hawaii. It's heartwarming to know there are people that think enough of these men to take a day (or weekend in some cases) out of their lives to visit them. No one can possibly know what these visits mean to the men that are incarcerated.

Making a difference in someone's life everyday is something I make a conscious effort to do. It may be just a friendly phone call to say hello that makes someone feel special or having coffee with a good friend. In the past Ron and I have had large Thanksgiving dinners to include friends that have no family and no one to celebrate with. These dinners have been meaningful to us, and hopefully to those we invited. Ron is also hoping to touch someone everyday. Friday during visitation he introduced me to several of his students (he's tutoring them in accounting) and one of his very good friends, Richard. I know he makes their lives better every day. He does the same for me, sometimes with a phone call, a joke on the phone, a letter or a hug when we greet each other on Fridays. He probably doesn't even know it, but these little things can make a big difference. Ron and I have so much to be thankful for, and even though we are not together right now, we talk often about how lucky we are for what we have and know that six months from now we will be together again.