Every generation thinks they're going to get it right. They will not make the mistakes their parents made. One generation thinks children should be seen and not heard, the next generation allows them to do and say whatever they want. There is no right or wrong way to raise children. Each parent has to find what works for their child. All children are not created equal (by this I mean they are not equally hard or easy to raise) and one approach does not fit all families. I have noticed in the past 15 years a change in parenting, that I, not an expert, think may have long lasting effects.
Parents and children do EVERYTHING together these days. From the cradle, parents take their children pretty much everywhere they go. A big dinner at a fancy restaurant, it's likely small children will be there too. Play dates for pre-school children include the parent staying at the house while the children play nearby. In the home, the children often play in the family room, nearby mom and dad. Children enjoy being the focus of everyone's attention, so the family room becomes the playroom. At the mall, the child must be close to his parent at all times.
I have always maintained that allowing children to be independent is one of the most important things we can teach them. Children need a certain amount of freedom to explore, to experiment, to be creative. If we're constantly on top of them, monitoring their every move, will they learn these very needed skills? I know that parents today are extremely concerned about the safety of their children. There is so much media coverage of kidnappings, abductions and murders, that parents are scared to death to let their children out of their sight. (statistically there has not been an increase in these activities in 30 years. We just hear much more about it). But how can they grow up and be anything but fearful when this is what they have been taught? At the very least, children need an opportunity to play by themselves, in their own room, without having an audience. This is so important, in my opinion, for success later on. They need to learn to please themselves, not just their parents.>p>
Things have changed dramatically since my oldest son, Brian, was a child. When he was 10 years old I used to let him ride the public bus all over Los Angeles. I wouldn't even think of doing something like that now. When David was small we used to go to Rancho Park in Cheviot Hills to watch Brian play baseball. David must have been about six years old. He would walk to the snack bar, go over and play on the swings, and I wouldn't think anything of it. I must have been crazy! By the time Philip came along, I was much more cautious. I did not allow him to take the bus alone, and although I did allow him to walk two blocks to a friends house (age 10), he had to call immediately when he got there. When the kids were in high school, cell phones were new, and we would often give our cell phone to our kids to take with them at night. This would save us endless hours of worry.
There's a fine line between protecting our children and smothering them. We need to give them space to develop, without always having someone there to cheer them on. They need to learn to be alone, get along with their peers, and explore. I contend that a lot of the time parents spend with their children today is not quality time. Parents are constantly on their cell phones, texting or talking, and paying very little attention to their kids. I watch some parents who are with their children, but really not engaged with them.
Oh, these kids will probably all turn out just fine, and the next generation of parents will have a different approach with their kids. I guess the key to raising mentally healthy kids is to give them lots of love, and encourage them in whatever their passion may be. That's often how we develop our greatest thinkers.
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