Do They Want It Or Need It?

Every time a birthday or Christmas come around, I wonder what to buy for the children.  Every grandchild's bedroom looks like Toys R Us.  They've got more than any child could possibly want or need.  It's not just kids with parents of means who have alot of "stuff."  Many middle and lower middle class children have every new toy, gadget, clothing outfit.  Why do we indulge our children so?

We are living in the age of instant gratification.  Bobby sees something he likes, Mommy buys it for Bobby.  The fact of the matter is that most toys are played with a few times, then discarded.  A few toys become favorites and are used all the time.  Many parents that indulge their children do so out of guilt.  They may be working long hours, and to compensate for that, may buy them gifts.  I know that most parents that travel a lot, always come back with gifts for the kids.  Children often make such a scene that parents would rather buy the toy for them than cause a scene.

I had rules for my children, and I think they still apply.  When going shopping, set the rules before hand.  For example.  Each child has $5 to spend at the market on whatever they want.  Or, when going to a toy store, each child can pick out one toy.(for a specified amount).  When going to the arcade, set limits on how many games they can play and how many snacks they can buy before you get there.  It will save you a lot of grief in the long run, and it will also teach the child that rules are set and followed.

I remember two situations when my children were growing up that really bring this home.  David was around 13 years old, and for his community service he worked at a senior home in Westwood called Westwood Horizons.  He would go there on Friday afternoon, play the piano for the residents, and help in the Shabbat service.  We would park at Bullock's and I would walk him over there.  He loved to shop, and we would always walk through the store.  One day we were walking through Bullock's and he saw a belt that he just had to have.  I told him I was not buying him the belt, and he would have to use his own money if he really wanted it.  My suggestion to him was to not buy it right away, but think about over the weekend, and if he really wanted it the following week, he should buy it.  He never bought it, or even mentioned it again.

The other situation was when Philip wanted to buy an expensive keyboard for a band he was playing in.  We already had a piano, and I felt the keyboard at $1200 was extravagant.  I told Phil that if he could save the money and pay for half, I would pay the rest.  It took him months to save the money, but he finally did.  We each paid 50%, and Phil had a beautiful keyboard that he enjoyed for many years.

Do kids want or need that special toy?  Most of the time they want it.  It's the same for adults.  I can't tell you how often I have delayed buying a pair of shoes or a sweater, only to discover that I really didn't want it in the first place.  It was just an impulse.  Most adults have learned control their impulses, and we must teach our children to do so too.