Parenting Styles: One Size Does Not Fit All

Who hasn't heard of Amy Chua, author of Battle Hymof the Tiger Mom " by now? She's been on all the talk shows, depicting her Chinese-style extreme parenting (no TV, no play dates, no grades below an A), all in preparation for success in life, beginning with an Ivy League education. But does her style of parenting really give her children a better chance at success? I guess it first depends on what your definition of "success" is. Amy Chua was at a conference a few months ago where she met and talked to Harvard president Larry Summers. He pointed out to her that the two people who have had the most transformative impact on the world in the past 25 years, Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg, are both Harvard dropouts. If they had been brought up by Amy Chua, she would have been bitterly disappointed.

To be honest, Amy's parenting style is only slightly more extreme than what I observed when my own children were growing up on the Westside of Los Angeles. The ambitious, neurotic mothers and fathers orchestrated their child's every move. Where is the creativity in this type of structure?

I have always contended that the raw spirit of can do invention and inspiration will take people further than the ability to read a complex profit and loss statement. Just look at the list of Hollywood moguls who either never went to college or dropped out: David Geffen, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Clint Eastwood, Quentin Tarantino, to name just a few. The intense desire to create something big, new and different is what made all these men successful. ( I just noticed they're all MEN). They didn't wait around for the instruction manual. That goes for Gates and Zuckerberg, too. I doubt if any of these men would have done what they have with Amy Chua as their mother.

I know this is the 21st century. There are many jobs out there that require a good college education and beyond. Obviously you can't be a lawyer or doctor or engineer without specific training. But those with creativity and the entrepreneurial spirit don't necessarily need Harvard or Yale. Nothing can replace on the job training. I remember when my son Phil started his business just after graduation from University of Denver, there was some talk about him getting an MBA. We felt at the time, and I still feel this way, that for what he was planning, on the job training would give him more than he'd ever get in a classroom. I think if you asked him today he would agree.

Parenting is a very indivual thing. There is no right or wrong. What parents are doing today will be passee in 10 years. We swing from strict to permissive and back again. I do know that all children do not fit a cookie cutter mold, and what works for one may be all wrong for another. Creativity and independent thinking, which I value highly, are stifled with too much structure. Bill Gates had parents who allowed him to think, experiment, and "play" with computers for hours on end. Would he have created Microsoft with different parents? We'll never know.