Phase Two-Week Six

With just less than 4 more weeks of phase two, Ron and I went out for our first "Fancy" dinner. Our friend Murray, had given us a gift certificate to Ruth's Chris, which we decided to spend. It was a holiday weekend yet the place was packed. We arrived just in time to watch the sunset. What a beautiful sight.

Not only was the dinner fantastic, but the whole evening was very special. We talked about expectations. What did I expect from Ron when he came home and what did he expect from me? We decided that neither of us got exactly what we wanted, but isn't that pretty much the way life is? I'm a bit of a romantic, and had visions of walks on the beach, breakfast outside in the backyard, trips to the farmers market on Sunday, then cooking together in the afternoon. Why I would expect this I have no idea. It's not that people can't change, they can, but you can't change a leopard's spots.. Ron has changed in many ways, and we have actually done some of the things I fantasized about. But those things are NOT him, and he struggles to do them. He makes an effort to please me in so many ways which I thoroughly appreciate and love him for, but I guess I'm just never going to enjoy long walks at the beach with him.

When a couple is separated for a long time, each person thinks about how life will be when they're back together. The reality is it will never be the way either of them imagined, but hopefully life will be a mixture of what they both want. Earlier in our marriage Ron feels I gave much more than he did, and is now willing to bend over backwards to be the one giving more. I love him for that, as I know it's hard for him.

I think expectations of ANYTHING are often disappointing. A cruise or big trip that you plan often does not meet your expectations. The new job you finally got may not be what you were expecting either. So it goes. We should all continue to have high expectations for the things we do and the people we do them with, but realize that most things don't turn out the way we want them to. Just another part of life that I've come to accept in the past few years.

Many years ago a doctor friend of ours told us a story. He said when your children are born, you expect them to be brilliant, funny and successful. A doctor, lawyer, or even president of the US. Then as they grow and develop you realize that your child is not all of these things, and you start lowering your expectations. It's so true. The same can be said for relationships. If your expectations are too high you are constantly disappointed. Although all of my expectations have not been met, I am happy and content that we can talk about these things openly, and in many cases make compromises so that we're both happy.