Tenth Visit to Taft

I've spent the past nine weeks telling you about Ron and how he has adjusted to his new situation. Today I will focus on myself, what I've been through, the good and the bad, and how I've adjusted. I don't know where this is going, but here goes.

It may be hard to believe, but I have never been alone in the last 40+ years. Yes, Ron would frequently go on business trips for a few days, but there were always children and dogs around. When I was working I was so busy I didn't have time to feel lonely. If I went away, I was always with someone. I used to travel without Ron, but I was either with a group or a friend. Being alone was new to me and something I feared.

I dropped Ron off at Taft on a Monday, and expected to hear from him by telephone in a few days. The waiting was agonizing. I still hadn't heard from him after a week and was frankly a little panicky. It's the most helpless feeling you can imagine. There is no one to call, no one to turn to. I called my attorneys, and they told me to be patient. Easy for them to say. To top off the anxiety of not knowing where or how he was, I was faced with the death of my dog. Two days after Ron left, I had to euthenize my 19 year old dog Barney. He was suffering, and keeping him alive was for me, not for him. That was one of the toughest days of my life. I was heartbroken. He had been my constant companion for 18 years. He slept on our bed, followed me around the house, waited for me at the door when I came home. The first few days without him were deadly quiet.

As I often say, "This too shall pass", and it did. I finally got a call from Ron on day 8, and just hearing his voice made everything all right. When he called on day 11 and told me he had been moved to the camp, I knew the worst was over. I was right. Now I hear from him almost every day, get letters a few times a week, and see him every Friday. It's amazing how a three minute phone call can lift your spirits.

The deadly quiet of the house has lessened too. It's just as quiet, but I am getting used to it. I used to look for Barney when I would wake up at night. I don't do that anymore. I no longer expect to see him when I come home.

Thankfully I have a busy life and wonderful friends and family that support me. You have no idea how crucial this is to getting through the experience without having a breakdown. I am busy every day. Gym, walking, bridge, golf, mah jongg, work, writing my blog, reading and eating out are just some of the activities that keep me occupied. I go out a few times a week, but really enjoy staying home most nights. Late night is always the hardest, just before bed. I wish my brain had on/off switch.

There are some positives to my current situation. My house is clean, I have less laundry to do, I don't have to get up to walk the dog in the morning, and I don't have to lift the dog 10 times a day and hurt my back. Oh, and I don't have to fix dinner if I don't want to. Not so bad, eh?

I have lots more to say, but I'll leave it for next week. Every experience, no matter how bad you think it will be, offers something positive. I will talk more about that next week.