Arrival at Taft

There are certain events in your life that you will never forget, like where you were when JFK was shot or what you were doing when you first heard about 9/11. Monday, January 11, is one of those days for me. It's the day I drove Ron to Taft Federal Camp, said goodby to the life we had enjoyed for over 40 years, and started anew.

As much as you can prepare for such a situation, I was prepared. I had talked to wives who had been through the experience and I had read a great deal on the internet about what to expect. Nothing can really prepare you for how you will feel as you drop off a loved one at the front door, and drive off, knowing you may not hear from them for several days, or in some instances, several weeks.





The weather today fit my mood. As we came down the grapevine, a heavy fog covered the ground, and visibility dropped to almost zero. The temperature, too, dropped almost 30 degrees. This combination evoked an erie feeling. We got off the freeway, headed west on a two lane highway, and 20 miles later, we arrived at our destination, Taft Federal Camp, and its adjacent medium security prison. All we saw on the 20 mile stretch were almond trees, orange groves, and dessert brush.

It's difficult to describe my emotions today. I think over the past seven years I have gone through every immaginable emotion from anger and frustration to fear. I feel void of any of that right now. I feel excited that this is finally underway. I know that sounds weird, but the sooner it starts, the sooner it's over. I'm also anxious to see how I do in this situation. I haven't been alone in my entire life, and I wonder how I will handle it.





We had talked and prepared for this day for such a long time that we said a quick goodby, a kiss and hug, and that was it. I thought I would break out in tears as I headed off to Los Angeles to pick up my dog, but I didn't. I really couldn't think about anything. My mind was a blank. I had brought a book on tape to listen to. I put it on, but realized after a half hour that I hadn't heard a word. I made a few phone calls, just to distract myself, and before I knew it I was at my Mom's house. We went out for a quick lunch, then I left for home.





I arrived home at 3:45, absolutely exhausted. The emotion of the day, along with six hours of driving, wiped me out. I had been told by several wives of inmates that they cried for days after their husbands were gone. I kept waiting for tears to come, but they did not. It' s not because I'm stronger, it's just that everyone reacts differently to adversity. I think talking about it and writing about it is my release. As difficult as this day was for me, it is only the beginning. Thanks to so many supportive family members and friends, these tough times will be easier. I have a busy week planned, and before I know it, I will be going for my first visit to Taft. I've been told my many men and women that this difficult time can actually be one of the most enlightening times in ones life. A time to really get to know yourself and reevaluate your values. I'm looking forward to that part of the experience. As I always try to do, I'm looking at the positive. My story will continue after my first visit to Taft.